The Amityville Blog

I Love The Whole World

2008-06-28T16:10:00.003-06:00

I love Mark Knopfler

I love philosphy

I love Bob Dylan

I love YTMND

I love the whole world

and all it's stupid pricks

boom de yada, boom de yada

boom de yada, boom de yada!

I love cartoon shows

I might like intercourse

I love 300

AND FUCKING DRAGONFORCE

I love the whole world

It so inspiring

Boom de yada, boom de yada

boom de yada, boom de yada!

I love 4chan

and I love "niggardly"

I love a good prank

I love to play my Wii

I love the whole world

it such a kick ass place

boom de yada, boom de yada

boom de yada, boom de yada!

ps- i love the discovery channel

Chris Martin is a Scrawny, Pretentious Prick

2008-06-27T18:16:00.005-06:00

Did anyone else see the Chris Martin interview in Rolling Stone this week? What a bunch a bunch of pretentious bullshit that is. The front cover calls him an "anxious rock god". You've got to be kidding me with this. A ROCK GOD? Jimi Hendrix is a rock god. Rob Halford is a rock god. Fuck, Coldplay isn't even rock. It's just a bunch of mellow, feel-good faggotry. Oh yeah, the interview also calls him "The Jesus of Uncool". WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN. God, I can't believe what a bunch of fucking horse shit Rolling Stone has turned into. It used to be a cool underground hippie zine in the 60's and shit...I mean I was pretty pissed when the put Eddie Van Halen as like number 75 in their list of the greatest guitarists of all time, and now they pull this shit...I now officially hate Rolling Stone Magazine. Fuckers.

This Time It's For Real/Mark Knopfler

2008-06-25T17:32:00.005-06:00

OK, seriously. I have this whole stupid blog and I keep leaving it for no reason. This time I'm coming back FOR GOOD and The Amityville Blog is going to be changed FOREVER. No more annoying posts about nothing,this is now going to be where I go to talk about some REAL SHIT. Bloggers are the revolutionaries of the 21st century, and I'm going to be fucking Napolean. Let's get this motherfucker started.

MARK KNOPFLER: IN CONCERT

So I saw Mark Knopfler at fucking Red Rocks last night. If you don't know who he is than FUCK YOU. And I've just gotta say, it just kicked my fucking ass. He's just really laid back. It's just so cool as a musician to see him just standing there as soloing like there's no tommorow. He doesn't have to jump around and be a maniac while he's playing like Eddie Van Halen or Herman Li. (not that I would EVER talk shit about them). I mean Sultans of Swing (personally my favorite song) was like 8 minutes. Fucking awesome. Plus I got a shirt. So that's pretty cool. There was a lot of tokin' going on too, even for Red Rocks. I'd give a 4.5 out of 5, one of the coolest concerts I've been to in a while.

Speed Racer Ha ha!!

2008-05-03T14:06:00.003-06:00

Ha ha! My friend Trevor got me and Ben tickets to an advanced screening of Speed Racer ha ha! There was a shitload of people there ha ha! OK, that's enough of the hahas. They never even did that in the whole movie. They talked completely normal English the whole movie (except for the announcers who spoke other languages, which I found annoying). There was so much crazy CGI shit going I almost had a seizure. Everything looked totally realistic. I thought it would have been more true to the spirit of Speed Racer if everything was totally faked out. That's how I remember Speed Racer. Even when I was a young boy (lulz) I could tell this show probably had a low budget and what the people were saying wasn't matching their mouths. My fantasy Speed Racer movie would have involved a lot of driving in front of those film rolls that play totally fake backgrounds behind the driver. And lots of dramatic face close ups of every character on one screen. But it was still an intersting movie, and John Goodman was a perfect fit for the dad.

Speed Racer (2008)=
6.5/10

Some People I've Been Compared To

2008-04-29T20:36:00.003-06:00

1. Topher Grace

This one is a little embarrasing. People are always like "hey you look like that one guy from That 70s Show". I kind of just assume it's Topher Grace, because it's certainly not Ashton Kuther.

2. Simon Astell

Actually, only one person has ever compared me to this guy, this girl Thea in my english class. I was like who the hell is that? And she told me to look it up on the internet. I did, and I turned out he's an english game show host. A gay game show host. Advice for women: don't compare your straight friends to gay guys. Trust me.

3. Harry Potter

God, this one pisses me off. Ever since I got my glasses off, this one doesn't happen anymore but when it did...I fucking hated it. It was pretty much only because I had glasses and shaggy hair and people said it in a way like I would be thrilled to compared to a fictional character. They would be like "Hey you know who you look like?" And I would think oh you sorry asshole you better not fucking say Harry Potter I swear to fucking God I'm gonna fucking- "Harry Potter! That's it! Yeah! Did you know that?" Fuck you.

4. John Krysynzski (Jim from the Office)

I like this comparision. My mom is usually the one who says this. Shouldn't have said that...anyway this one is cool becuase that guy is acutally probably a lot like me in real life. Not very good with the ladies. Ouch.

5. Holden Caulfield

Pretty much anyone who's ever read my blog compares me to this one. Now THIS is a literary character I can get used to being compared to. This guy's my fucking hero. He does whatever he wants- he smokes, drinks, orders prostitutes then ditches them, swears all the time; I fucking love Holden. I read this book by myself during CSAP in 8th grade and I was like "This is what my life should be like".

Return From Exile!

2008-04-28T15:41:00.003-06:00

Whoa I haven't been here in along time. Again. How many times have I done this now, leaving for a while and then coming back? Oh well. Well not much has changed since last post. I'm still a sarcastic, miserable asshole.

Anyway, on to some current topics: the election. I'm in a quandary here because I've been following the election a lot lately, but it's kind of moronic since I won't even be able to vote this November. I'll be 17 and I'll have to wait a whole eight months to turn 18. Then I have to wait until 2012 to vote in that presidential election, and I'll be 21. That'll be pretty cool I suppose. I could drink AND vote. That's probably illegal. Well, if I'm not drunk it's not illegal. I'll just be a little buzzed. I'll go to the local pub, slam a few down with my future buddies and then say "Oh, sorry gents, I'm off to the polls. This is my first election, you know, I needn't be late!" (Just pretend I'm talking in a British accent). Who knows, maybe I will be British when I'm 21. What if, right out of college, I live in Britain with my British girlfriend and I acquire a British accent while living in Britain. I've said British 5 times in this paragraph.

Well, I don't like to think that far ahead. We'll just have to wait and see how drunk I am on election day 2012. I'll try to write a blog about it.

PS- My blog turned 2 years old while I was away. Hurrah.

I AM BEOWULF!!!!!!

2007-11-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

Fuck. Yes. This is the best movie I've seen all month. It is an adaptaion of an 8th century epic Olde English poem and it kicked my ass for two and a half fucking hours. Seriously.

It starts out with this old Danish villiage celebrating something. But then it pans out and it turns out that all the merrymaking is disturbing this monster Grendel who lives in this cave. This pisses Grendel off, so he fucking barges in and starts yelling and fucking shit up. Literally. He's fucking screaming at the top of his lungs and ripping dudes in half and throwing assholes into eachother. But then the king of the villiage challenges Grendel and he backs the FUCK off. Then the scence changes to Beowulf fucking riding on this huge storm and pulling into the harbor in Denmark. Some asshole rides up on this horse and asks him what the fuck he's doing in Denmark and he's all "I'm fucking Beowulf and I've come to kill your monster because you guys are pussies and you can't kill it yourself, that's what I'm fucking doing here." So then after this guy gets rejected by a whore with huge, CGI animated tits Beowulf kicks the shit out of Grendel NAKED and rips his arm off with a damn door. Beowulf is a hero, etc. But that's not the end because Grendel's mom is fucking PISSED that someone killed her son so she fucking kills all these guys and hangs them. Beowulf is like FUCK NO so he goes to her cave with his BFF Wiglaf (or something like that). It turns out that Grendel's mom is actually Angelina Jolie who is also fucking naked all the time (i came). Anyway, Beowulf being the sly dog that he is, just fucks the shit out of AJ and doesn't kill her. Bad mistake.

Years later, Beowulf is the king of the world and he has a queen and also the fine little mistress thatbut his son (who is a shapeshifting dragon/john malkovitch lookin' bastard) comes bakc to fuck shit up one last time. At this point, I started listening to The Trooper by Iron Maiden on my iPod. It was basically the most perfect thing ever. It was, until, I started listening to Through the Fire and the Flames by DragonForce. This guy started running through actual fire and flames right when I changed it, too. Anyway, back to the story. Beowulf is fighting the dragon and shit, but the then he chains himself to it by the arm. He then locates the place on the dragon's neck where the fire is being produced. He stabs the shit out of it and tries to stab the heart as well, but his sword is too short. So then get this: HE CUTS HIS OWN FUCKING ARM OFF SO HE CAN REACH IT BETTER. His arm is inside a chain mail, so doing this just makes his reach longer. He tries to stab it's heart again, but he drops his sword so he then proceeds to grab the dragon's heart out with his bare fucking hands and rips that shit up. The dragon falls to it's death at the bottom of this giant fucking cliff with Beowulf chained to it. At this point in the movie, I was still listening to the DragonForce song, and it was perfect: "Now here we stand with the blood on our hands/We've fought so hard now can we understand?" FUCK YES. The Beowulf dies and he gets this badass funeral where he was put on this boat with all his riches and put to sea and the SET ON FIRE. Oh yeah, spoiler warning.

Now here's a quick little check list for those of you who didn't want to read all that:

Deep, Man. Deep.

2007-11-18T00:19:00.000-07:00

So last night Krystal, Ben, Jared, and I had this fucking deep ass philisophical discussion. For serious. It went until like 2 AM or something. We talked about things that were so deep that I got shivers sometimes.

Anyway, it stemmed from when Ben and Jared somehow started talking about the war in Iraq. I don't know too much about that, so I kind of shut my mouth. All I know is that I don't like people being killed everyday. But that's a story for another day. Then we all went inside because we were all freezing our balls off (except for Krystal, she froze her boobs off I suppose). But then Jared brought up a new point: should we dispose of people who are weak because of genetic conditions (cancer, etc.). We all decided that that was terrible and completly inhumane but that brought up a newer point: what kidn of a person would do that? Something of pure reason or pure instinct? That led to a even NEWER point: are humans creatures of pure reason or pure instinct?Jared changed his mind a couple of times, but the rest of us were pretty solid in our points: there can never exist a creature of pure instinct or pure reason. We concluded that, really, a creature of pure reason and a creature of pure instinct would, theoretically, act the same way- with no emotion and that both of them would kill the weak portion of the race (humanity). But we came up with an interesting new spectrum:

Now for some explaining. The red represents human emotion. As you can see, humans operate with complete emotions. Now, this may be less apparent in some people (complete assholes, ruthless mod bosses) but if movies have taught me anything, it is this: no matter how much of an asshole you are, deep down inside there is some emotion at play there. Back to the spectrum.I made this a little hastily (it's 1 AM for Christ's sake) but the white represents...um...not emotion. I can't really think of something better, maybe lack of emotion. But as you can see, pure reason and pure instinct act with no emotion, no remorse. But as you get closer to the middle and as instinct as reason begin to mash together and create emotion, humans come along. And so, you can say that humans operate at the perfect combonation of instinct, reason, and emotion and that's why we pwn all other animals.

Now, obviously this all stemmed out of a couple of teenagers talking at 1:30 in the morning so it's probably got some flaws that we've yet to come across. But I think we just may be on to something here.

And that ends the most serious and deep post I've ever written.

OPS

2007-11-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

There was a fucking huge powerpoint presentation due on Tuesday and I started it on Monday. :D There was also a huge Astronomy thing due on Tuesday that I also started on Monday. But here's the twist: I got high Bs on both of them. WTF. I wonder what I could be capable of if I actually gave a shit about anything. Also, I need to be doing my english journals.

But here's the good news: my grandma bought me this sick-ass fuzzy jacket that keeps me hellla warm during these dire, cold times. Also, I broke my glasses and I've been getting over 9000 comments a day on my eyes. It's pretty sweet, maybe I'll be able to sweep some girl off her feet with my hazel pools of innocence.

lulz of the day:

I Seem To Have Died

2007-11-10T01:29:00.000-07:00

Whoa. Kinda forgot I had a blog for a second there. Well, I hope I'll start posting some more. Maybe if you assholes would start leaving comments once every fucking year I woudn't have ditched the blog.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you assholes. Come back please. Please?

Gloomy Day, Gloomy Demeanors

2007-09-24T18:35:00.000-06:00

Did I spell demeanors right there? I don't care.

Anyways, it seems like everyone got totally fucked over this weekend, and then when school started today, the weather was all foggy, grey and generally depressing. Joe got in trouble, Ellie's parents told her she has no friends, and Elena's plans were ruined and a movie she wanted to see isn't even out in Colorado, and my back got alls fucked up on a trampoline. But Halo 3 does come out tommorow. So that's pretty cool. A bunch of kids I know are staying home to play it, continuing the tradition of when everyone stayed home to play Halo 2 when that came out. I told my dad this, and he thought it was stupid to skip school just for a video game. I told him that it's basically the same thing as when sliced bread came out and he stayed home to play with it. That got some lulz. Anyway, after hearing the news of Halo 3 coming out tommorow, I immeadiatly changed my MySpace display name to MASTER CHIEF DIES and a picture of some text declaring this. Boy, will people be pissed at me if he really dies.

Wait, WHAAAATTT

2007-09-22T00:57:00.000-06:00

Have you guys ever seen those videos on the news and stuff of people in Mexico climbing the borders? And the news guys are like "Over 9000 immigrants illegally come into the US ever year" or some shit like that? I have just one question:

WHO IS FILMING THESE VIDEOS?!!

Seriously though. If they're all bitching about that, then what is the fucking camera guy thinking?! Is he sitting there like "Oh man this is so bad" or what?!! I don't know, things like this bother me. Here's something that doesn't bother me though:

That is fucking hilarious. The end.

Punk

2007-09-16T17:03:00.001-06:00

This is an essay I wrote for english class. I pretty much put it on here so Lana could read, but you can too I guess.

Punk
By Anthony Siraguse

I walk down the road. How could he say that? It’s like every time I go to his house, he totally shows me up on his bass, tells me I suck at guitar, and tells me to learn more Primus songs. Screw him.
I grasp the stupid tabs he printed me – “Here Come the Bastards” “Shake Hands With Beef” by Primus-. I walk faster. I fling them fast out of my hands and shout a rather naughty expletive as a little girl on her bike stops suddenly, wide-eyed. I start to wonder how long those papers will be there, and if Phil and I will still be friends. Will the both be gone tomorrow?
Forget it, I’m mad now. There’s no time for wimpy thoughts like that. It’s time to be brooding and angsty.
As I walk past the orthodontist’s office near my house, and my targets set on the flowers in the front. How dare they be colorful and innocent when I am trying to be mean? I stomp on them.
With dead flowers and willowed flowers in my wake, I start to imagine someone is following me, inspecting the things they see. They would probably think “Dang, whoever is breaking all this stuff is a BAD GUY.” Now I needed something to show this imaginary stranger that I was a bad guy. Time for the big finish.
There is a little sign on wheels in front some apartments that reads “Rent Specials”. This is it. Here it goes. I push it over in a final attempt to anger the world.
Suddenly, a white truck appears and someone leans out: “HEY, YOU PUNK!!!”

I book it.

I run as fast as I can. A little kid looks up at me. He zooms out of my vision and I whip past him. The truck guy is yelling. I can’t hear anything he is saying. All I hear is my feet hitting the pavement. They sound like a wet towel hitting the ground. I have already run the length of the apartments. Now I am in an open parking lot. To the right of me is a scary alley. To the left of me are some people’s backyards. I have no idea is the truck guy is following me. I make a sharp left. Truck guy is still yelling. I hop some lady’s fence. She is standing there. She is watering her garden. She looks at me. I run past her like lightning. I get to a residential street and look up and down to see if the white truck has been following. I don’t see it.

As I slow down, I wonder- how much of a “bad guy” am I now. At first I wanted to destroy everything I saw, but as soon as I was caught the dream was over. Was I really, truly mad, or was I just being really, truly passive aggressive? I’d bet on the second one.

Now I’m coming towards the creek where me and Phil hung out a lot as kids, and still do, occasionally. Now that I think of it, he is pretty cool, and probably my best friend. Maybe I’ll give him another chance.

A Scholarly Look At Warrant's "Cherry Pie" By Dr. Garret Shlegm

2007-09-12T22:46:00.000-06:00

Cherry Pie by Warant. At first glance, it seems like just another 80's hair metal song oozing with sexual innuendo. However, a closer look at the lyrics reveal another story. One of the twisting tale we call: America. Today I will be annotating this song, word for word, to show you, my dear readers, how this very deep song is often looked over by historians.

Dirty, rotten, filthy, stinkin'...

Clearly, these four adjectives are describing the era of the Black Plague that slaughtered many europeans during the 1920s. Some Europeans still suffer from the disease today, including Hollywood hunk and annoying dunce Hugh Grant. This is evidenced by his enormous horse face.

She's my cherry pie/cool drink of water, such a sweet suprise/tastes so good make a grown man cry/sweet cherry pie

This set of lyrics is quite interesting, and took me many nights of studying to unravel. After much consideration, I realized that the "cherry pie", as it were, is a blatent metaphor for the picturesque, perfect idea of 1950s America. The cool drink of water stands for communism, being a "sweet suprise" to president Eisenhower. The verse "tastes so good make a grown man cry" is clearly a metaphor for the way that the idea of communism makes John Wayne cry, John Wayne being the greatest man who ever lived.

Swingin' on the front porch/ Swingin' on the lawn/ Swingin' where we want/'cause there ain't nobody home

"Swinging" in this verse , of course, stands for swing dancing, which took America by storm in the late 1990s. Cinsidering that this song was written over a decade before swing dancing became popular, it goes to show how ahead of their time Warrant really was.

Swingin' to the left and swingin' to the right/Think about baseball, swing all night yeah

This verse continues the metaphor of swingin' and begins to incorporate baseball. Baseball is a popular American sport. So...you know....that probably means something.

Swingin' in the living room, swingin' in the kitchen/ ??? won't stop cause they're too busy bitchin'/ Swinged in there, 'cause she wanted me to meet her/ I mixed the batter and she licked the beater

You may notice I insterted a "???" mark in thise verse. I seriously can not for the life of me hear what the hell he is saying on that part. Seriously. I guess I could go to one of those lyrics websites, but those things have viruses on there, you know? Anyway, the second part is just a straight up refrence to oral sex.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for her/Don't even talk, 'cause you can't ignore her

This verse is a metaphor for the women's right to vote movement in the 1920s. The "screaming" here stands for the way the women "screamed" or protested for their right to vote. The second part, "don't even talk, 'cause you can't ignore her" is a popular catch phrase from that era that meant "I hate you girlfriend, you should totally break up with her". Unfortanatley, women lost their right to vote in 1996 after it was taken away from them whenthe first episode of The View was aired.

She's my Cherry Pie/ Cool drink of water, such a sweet suprise/ taste so good, make a grown man cry/ Sweet Cherry Pie

This means the same thing as the first time he said it, doofus.

She's my Cherry Pie/ Put a smile on your face, 10 miles wide/ Look so good bring a tear to your eye/ Sweet Cherry Pie

This verse is actually not an exaggeration. There was a woman, who lived in South Dakota in the 1890s, who would actually put a 10-mile-wide smile on anyone who looked at her-even women. However, this case was not well-documented, and I probably just made it up.

Swingin' to the drums/ Swingin' to guitar/ Swingin' to the bass in the back of my car

"Drums" and "guitar" here are clearly metaphors for Def Leppard and Winger, two popular hair metal bands who people often "swang" or danced to in the mid to late 1980s. They are also the two greatest ands in the history of recorded music by mankind.

Ain't got no money, ain't got no gas/ But we'll get where we're going if we swing real fast

This verse is actually a quote of a commonly over looked passage from the Bible: Leviticus 4:9
"Though I have naught currency, and I have but only half a camel, our fair people may arrive upon our destination if you have rapid oral sex with me."

Repition of chorus and subsequent bad ass guitar solo

Pretty much explains itself.

Swingin' in the bathroom/ Swingin' on the flo'/ Swingin' so hard/ Forgot to lock the do'/ In walks her daddy, standin' six-foot-fo'/ Said, "You ain't gonna swing with my daughter no mo'

This verse is an allusion to the Cold War era, the people swinging people being the USSR, the daddy being America, and the no-more-swinging policy standing for the no-more-beating-us-at-making-nuclear-weapons policy that America had.

Chorus x 3

Well, that about wraps that up. My goal with this thesis paper was to evoke thought from within in you, but more importantly, it was to show you that 80s hair metal isn't just the same sexual innuendoes made over and over until everyone overdosed, but it was a 2nd Rennisance Period in World History. And if you don't understand that, then damn you. Damn you to hell.

-Dr. Garret Shlegm

I Wanna Be MADE

2007-09-05T17:44:00.000-06:00

So the word around the school is that the MTV show Made is coming to our school for auditions tommorow morning. Yeah, good luck with that MTV. I think it'll be cool because if they pick someone from school we'll be able to see them- ON TV. I've always watched shows like Made and wondered what is it like for those people's fiends? Do they make fun of them after they're on TV? Well we'll find out. I hope they pick someone I know. And I also hope that this isn't just a rumor. They're supposed to pick people and then turn them into the oppisite of what they used to be. So I guess if I was on it they would make me a big strong black guy. Maybe I should try out...

Halloween FTW

2007-09-01T11:14:00.000-06:00

I saw Halloween last night. FUCKING AWESOME. I liked the old one, and when I found out this one was being made by Rob Zombie I was pretty excited. It was really cool how it showed Micheal Myers as a child, and how he got so crazy. And they couldn't have found a bigger, scarier guy to play full grown Micheal. I highly reccomend it to anyone.

Then today I watched VH1 Classic and Metal Mania was on. But they kept playing Ratt, Poison
, Skid Row, Warrant, Europe and all those. I'm pretty sure if aliens came here and watched this stuff they would think metal was the pussiest genre of music ever. Now, I know all you old folks are saying "Well they WERE metal in the 80s! And we didn't complain about it! It's not like that shit I hear today!!" and continue to ramble on about taxes and gas prices, but there was also some REAL metal going on in the 80s: Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Anthrax, Testament, Morbid Angel, and Napalm Death just to name a few. I wish VH1 would show real metal. The most metal thing they showed was "Mystery" by Dio. Maybe one day I'll live blog Vh1.

How Cool Can Lunar Eclipses Be?

2007-08-27T15:28:00.000-06:00

Today in astronomy the teacher told us we HAVE to wake up at 3 AM and watch a lunar eclipse and then rate it's brightness. No, really. 3 AM. That's cool.

By the way, that's my new catchphrase. Saying "that's cool" to things that are clearly not cool. For example:

[I walk up to this girl I know and try to sit down]
Girl: but I like, never barf
Me: That's cool.

[I walk into a puddle of orange juice]
Me: That's cool.

[Some dude calls me an anal cunt]
Me: That's cool.

I think you get it.

It's Been A Summer

2007-08-21T20:35:00.000-06:00

Well, the party's over. That's it for old man Summer. Tommorow school starts and it means a whole new year of hanging out with friends, new catchphrases, and new inside jokes. That's what High School is really all about. Not work or any of that shit, but hanging out with friends and finding out who you are. That was deep. Now here are some of my sweet summer accomplishments:

-Staying up until 11:30 AM one day and then sleeping until 4:00 PM. That really fucked me up.

-Beating Guitar Hero Encore: Rock's the 80s (which was one of my summer goals ) on Expert

-Saw a shitload of movies

-Made some sweet YTMNDs

-Did I mention staying up until 11:30 AM? Well, I did.

Here's to a whole new year of school.

UPPERCLASSMEN RULEZORZ!!!!111!!!1!1

Damn.

2007-08-19T03:37:00.000-06:00

So was was browsing around the old internets looking for some Guitar Hero tournaments I might want to participate in when I came across this little gem on gamersaloon.com:

Shit.

Superbad SuperNotThatGreat

2007-08-18T00:44:00.000-06:00

I saw Superbad today, which was opening day. Well it's past midnight so it was technically yesterday but...whatever.

But seriously, what with all the ads that claim Superbad is this amazing cult movie that people will talk about for years and it's complete raping of MySpace, I thought I was gonna walk in there and get my fucking face blown off or something. But to be completley honest, I wasn't really blown away.

Don't get me wrong, it was a really funny movie and I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a movie in quite a while. The characters were great and there were a shit load of quotes that I'm sure will be floating around school for a while. However: the plot was weird, it was kind of slow, and there were a lot of akward weird scenes that I didn't laugh at. I'd give it a B+.

Now that I think of it this is probably going to end up being one of those things that I don't really like and it ends up becoming really popular among all my friends and everyone is like "WYH DONT YOU LIKE SUPERBAD ITS LIKE TEH FUNNIEST MOVIE EVAR LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!11!!!11!!". I seem to do that a lot. I did it with Fast and the Furious (fucking retarted movie with no plot), Halo and Halo 2 (BOOOORRRRRINNNGGGG Super Smash Bros is a bazillion times better as far as replay value) and Dane Cook (don't even get me started on the annoying hack who seems to get all the fine ass hootchies in hollywood even though all he does is jump around on stage and scream. FUCK YOU!!!!! WHO GIVES A FUCKING SHIT IF YOU HAVE TWO MILLION FRIENDS ON MYSPACE THAT MEANS SHIT IN THE REAL WORLD YOU ASS SUCKING CO....Ahem. I seem to have gotten ahead of myself there). Jeez that was a long ass parenthesis statement. I probably broke a few grammar rules just now. Anyway, on to more stuff that pisses me off.

High School Musical 2. Jesus Fucking Christ. They might as well call it The Disney Channel Puts False Ideas of Real High School Into Impressionable Youngster's Heads Musical 2 and just quit beating around the god damn bush. I mean, even if they called it that prepubescent girls would still eat that shit up just for that Zac Efron homo.

What's the deal with this asshole? My sister goes bat shit for him and I don't get it. I bet he's really nice to talk to and hold a an intelligent conversa- OH WAIT HE'S A BRAINWASHED DISNEY CHANNEL SLAVE LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus, I'm being bitter today. And I can't figure out why I don't have a girlfriend.

I Think This Year's Gonna Be Grood

2007-08-16T23:36:00.000-06:00

I don't know, I can just feel it. Something about being a junior and finally being an upperclassmen just sounds totally badass. I mean everything is looking up: I got the two latest issues of MAD, and the stuff I ordered from Homestar Runner.com (trogdor shirt, kick the cheat, and the cd) all 3 days in a row, I'm getting better at guitar as well as Guitar Hero, and the AP English project isn't turning out so bad. Everything's just fuckin' PEACHY. And now I'm sitting here listening to Stone Temple Pilots just thinking of all the cool things I hope to do this school year(COUGH COUGH GET A GIRLFRIEND COUGHITTY COUGH COUGH COUGHERSON)

Also, check out this totally cheesy death metal band I found on MySpace (they have a song called I got raped by myspace!!)

www.myspace.com/totaldestruktion

Oh Yeah, I Have a Blog

2007-07-30T10:16:00.000-06:00

Yeah...sorry about that one. Heh. Anyway, I had a lot of fun this month. I went to the Bob Dylan concert at Red Rocks which was AWESOME!!!! It totally makes up for the time I couldn't go to the other one because I wasn't 16 yet. Well, now I am so suck it. He played a lot of my favorite songs including Watching the River Flow, and When I paint My Masterpiece. Then for an encore he played Blowin' in the Wind. BTW there was lots of doobie smokin' going on around us.

Then I went to Florida for a well-earned vacation. Destin, to be exact. It was REALLY hot and humid all the time. Being outside was like standing infront of an oven. In fact, sometimes my glasses would fog up when I would go outside. Also there were lots of hot babes all over the beach. Hee hee. It was really good to see my family and everything but it's good to be back home.

But the best part is that I got GUITAR HERO: ROCKS THE 80S!!!!!!!!!!! I've already unlocked all the songs and I'm working on beating Play With Me on Expert.

Well, I guess I'm back to updating my blog regularly. and just in time for *shudder* school.

Bored With A Capital B

2007-06-14T13:33:00.001-06:00

So most of the time my blog is about funny things that happen to me during the day. Yeah...I haven't really done anything all summer. Seriously. Most of the ime I've been on Last.fm looking for friends. Yeah. It's pretty pathetic. If you'll notice I've put a nifty little thing up there ---> so you can see what I've been listening to. Yeah....that's about it. I've got some new videos on YouTube also if you even care. Ahem. Yes.

New Car

2007-06-11T13:27:00.000-06:00

So I recently passed my driver's permit test and all I have to do is go to the DMV to pick it up. that should be fun. But more importantly, my dad bought me a 1989 Honda Accord. Fucking sweet. Now I'll be cruising all across the land with fucking Slayer turned up as loud as it can go and no one can do anything about it. Well maybe.

Anyway I also got this fucking sweet program called Last.fm that kinda tracks what you listen to and posts it on this website and you can compare your taste in music to other people. I just got it, so I don't have very many plays yet and no friends : ( but you can see my profile here:

http://www.last.fm/user/--CrimsonKing--/

Pokemon Girl

2007-06-02T18:29:00.000-06:00

OK so I was at Wal-Mart 'n' shit yesterday and I was in the video game section(of course). I noticed that they had the new Pokemon game for the DS on display. I recently found my old Pokemon game and started playing it again so I walked over to it and started playing it. It was kind of cool, but I decided not to buy it. I was still playing it though. Suddenly, this girl starts standing next to me, like really close. Like, I can seriously hear her breathing. She was totally looking over my shoulder and I FUCKING HATE THAT. I should have just walked away right there. I should have just been like "OK, this is weird, just let her play the damn thing." But the little rebel inside me said "Hey, FUCK her!! You're playing right now she can just fucking WAIT!!!! Kill!! Maim!!!" So I listened to my rebel self, because I rarley listen to him.

Anyway, after a couple minutes even my rebel was pretty uncomfortable. I was like "Hey, do you want to play this?" Then she was like "No, I already have a majority of the games." Boom. Right there, that should have been my first red flag. A creepy girl at Wal Mart, the home of the scumbag, who has a "majority" of the Pokemon games. I should have just been like "Oh, that's cool" and got the fuck out. But no. I didn't want to be "rude". Apparantly I have some sort of problem with being rude to total strangers that I'll never see again.

Anyway we started talking about *shudder* Pokemon, and I told her that I *gulp* used to know a lot about Pokemon and I recently got back into it. I told her I was going to be a junior at Green Mountain next year and then she said she goes to O'Connell, which is a middle school. Second red flag. She's too young for me to be...ahem....flirting with. *Cough* Yes. Anyway long story short I ended up giving her my Myspace and she is now a pending friend.

Oh, and did I mention we never exchanged names and that I didn't even get to see what she looks like and also she's taller than me? Well, all of those are true.

WHAT SHOULD I DO??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck YEAH

2007-06-01T16:27:00.000-06:00

Once again, it is summer now (bitches). Some of the the things on my to do list:

-continue my 500 Song download

-beat GTA:San Andreas

-beat Guitar Hero II on expert

-buy and beat the shit out of Guitar Hero Encore: Rock's the 80s

-celebratd my birthday by going to Red Lobster

-go to Florida

-see Transformers

-go to some concerts

Speaking of concerts did you know I'm going to see Bob Dylan at Red Rocks Ampitheatre on July 19th? Well, I guess you should know that I am. Yeah. I guess that makes up for that time when I went to that place where you had be 16 and couldn't see him. But I'll be 16 by then so suck it.

This is pretty much how I feel right now

2007-05-30T19:31:00.001-06:00

Tommorow is the last day of school THANK GOD.

Can't...Hold...on...Much...LONGER!!!!!!

2007-05-24T20:30:00.000-06:00

Oh...........school.........................ends May 31st......................math final....................rape...................choice novel in english....................I'm not even...............halfway......................Jordan wins American idol........................who didn't see that coming..................tired........................run down............skeet...........

Worst Monday EVER

2007-05-14T18:24:00.000-06:00

If anyone has ever had a bad Monday, then shut the fuck up because this is worse than any bullshit computer shut downs or mean co worker you've ever had.

So I had to write like 5 stories over the weekend for newspaper. I did all of them, meticilously poring over each one, editing them to perfection. Then what do I go and do? Leave the fucking floppy disk I saved them on at home.

I didn't realize this until I see my editor in the hall who says "Got those stories?" "Yup!!" I say. No biggie. Then I start to panic. Wait, did I...ohhhhhhh SSSHIIIIIIIEEEEEYYYYYTTTTT!!!!!!!
Every time I see my editor, Tiffany, in the hall I cringe. I want to tell her but I can't. Finally, seventh period comes along. Newspaper. The last period of the day. I tell Tiffany I left the floppy at home. She says you better get it in by 3:30. I'm like, whatever I can find one of my friends to drive me to my house and pick it up. Easy, right? Yeahno.

So I find my friend Ellie in the Commons to drive to my house and get the disk. Piece of cake. We get to my mom's apartment and I put the key in the lock. It is only then do I realize that I don't have the key to the bottom lock. My sister has that key because she needed to feed her fucking hamster while we at my dad's house and she never gave it back. I go get the matinence guy to let me in who politley informs me that I need to have a parent's permission to let me in.

Now that is some Bull SHIT. I have lived at lots of apartments in my life and I've never had to get my fucking parents permission to let me in my own fucking house. I know this guy, I see him all the time. We met him when we moved in this place. And besides, what if I was an ashmatic and my inhaler was inside? Or what if I was being chased by a rapist and I needed to get inside? Fuck tha police.

Anyway, the matinence guy is having some trouble getting inside. It is then that I realize my mom changed the locks when we were broken into a while ago and we didn't give the matinence people the newkeys. Fucking awesome. Also, they don't know we changed the lock and we will probably get in trouble for doing that thanks to me.

Anyway, I have Ellie drive me to my sister's school to get the key from her. I walk into the main office and the clerk talks to me like I'm an idiot: "Uh, school let out 45 minutes ago so it's going to be hard for un to get your sister" Fuck you lady, I go to high school so I don't really know the schedule of the fucking ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SCHEDULE!!!!!!!!!

OK, so now we're flooring it to my dad's, where my sister should be. She is there, but she seems to have lost her keys. Juuuuuust great. Of course, my sister is being a total bitch and tries to blame losing the keys on my dad. Shut up.

So my mom finally calls back and says she is on her way home with her boyfriend Matthew. THANK JEEBUS!!!! She lets me in and Matthew floors it back to the school to give back to Tffany at 4:15. Tiffany says she would have left at 4:20. I tell Tiffany the story and she is completley sympathetic for me, which was great. She is a really nice person and has let me off the hook a couple times with missed deadlines.

Anyway, I would just REALLY like to thank my best friend ever Ellie, who is reading this right now laughing her ass off just like she was the entire trip. I would just like to say to her that if it wasn't for you, I would have broke down crying about 20 times. I owe you big time.

The good news:
* After this, I will never forget anything ever again ever. Especially something for newspaper.
* I basically have seventh off now since this is the last issue of the newspaper for this year
* I'm ungrounded from Guitar Hero.
* New Megadeth album drops tommorow

WTF Car Crash

2007-05-12T20:00:00.000-06:00

So, me and my friend Phil went to McDonald's the other day. We were maxin, relaxin' actin all cool when this guy totally got hit by a car outside. Well, I'm not really sure if he was hit but I saw this lady looking all weird towards the window and when I looked there's this guy laying there and a car driving away. So you can understand how I came to this conclusion. Anyway, this guy walks in and he's all jacked up. His elbow is bleeding, his shirt's all ripped, and his palm near his thumb was ripped down to the tendons. *shudder* He goes into the bathroom and me and Phil stare at eachother in disbelief. When he comes out of the bathroom I'm all "Dude, are you OK? What happened?" and he's all "Nothing, my girlfriend". Now there are more questions than answers. Did his girlfriend push him out? Did he jump out because she's actually retarted and is an awful driver? Anyway, in walks girlfriend and they both go into the bathroom. I'm thinking, "Well if she's into that kind of thing, that's cool I guess". Then I heard screaming. Not, pleasue screaming, pain screaming. This old grandma lady runs to the cash register and says "there's someone hurt in there!" and I'm all "you gotta take initiative lady" so I go into the bathroom and she's cleaing his wound. I'm like "Is everything OK in here?" and girlfriend is like "He's just a baby". I had had enough. I picked up my Shrek McFlurry got the FUCK out of there. I had had enough freaks for today.

Also, I got Soul Caliber II for Gamecube. It rocks.

500 Song Download

2007-05-04T16:00:00.000-06:00

A couple days ago I started the biggest downloading challenge of my life: downloading all 500 songs from Rolling Stone magazine's 500 greatest songs of all time.

So far I've only got 32 songs, and I can already tell it's going to be a long hard road. Before this, my greatest music-related challenge was when I listened to every song on my iPod. All 976 of them. It took my 3 weeks, and this is going to take at least a month. Updates will follow.

Of course, just because I'm downloading these songs doesn't mean I like them all. For example, Smells Like Teen Spirit is #9 on the list. C'mon now. I like that song just as much as the next guy, but it surely can't be a more important song than Blowin' in the Wind, Stairway to Heaven, and Purple Haze. There is no way Nirvana is better than those songs. I never liked Nirvana, but that's a story for a different blog.

Also, the highest ranking Beatles song is Yesterday. No. Just, no. I don't even really like that song, and is certainly not The Beatles' best song. If you ask me, it's all about Maxwell's Silver Hammer. But that's just me.

Anyway, I was looking through the list the other day and was very suprised to see Loser by Beck on there. I also chuckled at Fuck the Police by NWA. I can't wait to download that one.

RIP Ed, Edd n' Eddy 1999-2007

2007-04-29T21:17:00.000-06:00

Last night, after a two day marathon, the ver last episode of Ed, Edd, n' Eddy was broadcast. A moment of silence please.

But seriously, that show was one of my favorites when I was a kid. It had a very profound effect on my life. Seriously!! I used to, and still do, draw all the time and Ed Edd n' Eddy, with all it's unique animaion stlyes, had a a huge impact on my art style. Along with 2 Stupid Dogs, Dexter's Lab, Animaniacs, and the old Looney Tunes cartoons, Ed Edd n' Eddy basically ran my life after school and on weekends. Watching the marathon all day nearly brought me to tears, thinking of how each episode had an effect on my youth. In fact, it was Ed Edd n' Eddy that began my love of the internet. I went on t one day and meticulously typed out "Ed, Edd n Eddy" into a search engine when I was about 10 or 11 and found www.theeddzone.com, my first website. I then went on to create a shitty yahoo website about EEnE. Then came taping every episode that aired and talking about them to my friends the next day at school.

Now that Ed Edd n Eddy is over, Cartoon Network is a piece of shit besides Adult Swim. Oh well. Long live the Eds.

Stick Jackass

2007-04-27T14:44:00.000-06:00

Look at this dumb shit I made:

kthxbye.

WTF Rain

2007-04-24T18:10:00.000-06:00

So, it suddenly started raining this morning. Except it wasn't rain. It was like, snow/sleet. And it was really windy. I left school and in literally 4 minutes I was sopping wet. Screw the weather.

The Me Test

2007-04-21T22:11:00.000-06:00

Think you know me? Take this test. Note: this is really only for people who know me in real life, but if you're one of my internet-only friends, be my guest.

Create your own Friend Quiz here
BTW, that 90% one is when I let my sister take it. I'm not that dumb.

You Ain't Never Seen a Loud Annoying Bitch Before?

2007-04-09T16:50:00.000-06:00

So I was on the bus today (again) and in the back there was this girl who was black. It is important for the story that you know she's black. Anyway I was turned around in my seat talking to my friends and once in a while I would look at her, because she was pretty much right in front of my face. Then she starting making all this noise about "damn I'm tired of people lookin at me all the time. It's like shit, ain't you never seen a black person before?" Then I thought yes, I see black people every day you stupid bitch maybe I'm "staring" at you because you're being really loud and annoying? I wonder how many times you've blamed people treating you like shit on the fact that you're blakc and not on the truth which is you're a loud ugly annoying bitch? I didn't say any of this of course. Oh, and she also gave candy to some kid. Cool.

Dumbass Substitute

2007-04-07T15:46:00.000-06:00

Most of the time, substitute teachers are people who have taught before, and are now retired. But there is another kind of substitute teacher: the one that knows jack shit about what they're trying to teach. This is the story of one of those kind of substitute teachers.

The bell rings and it is time for Spanish class. Mr. Dumbass, as I will now refer to him as, pipes up by saying "Now, this might be a little hard for me because no sprechen zie doitch". Everyone is kind of confused for a second until he says "Wait what class is this? Oh spanish. I mean...no hable espanol". This is when I knew he was a dumbass.

We played the spanish version of bingo for a while and my friend Jon won. (BTW, he's Mexican) After the game Mr. Dumbass was like "So did you know how to speak spanish before? Do you speak it at home?" I don't know what Jon said after this because I had lost control of myself. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I'm sure Jon was very uncomfortable and everything but WTF.

Then we got out oral prompt sheets. These are things they give that have little prompts on them and then we talk about them in spanish. One of them was something like "You're in Madrid and...."Mr. Dumbass saw this and said "If this prompt was modeled after my son it would say something like 'You're in Madrid and the Interenet company you're working for fires you and you have no money. Do you move back to the US or stay in Spain?' Huh? What would you guys do?" At this point Mitch answered "Cry?" Everyone laughs except Mr. Dumbass who says "No, you start a restaurant with your friend." He then wastes about 5 minutes telling us how the restaurant failed because it wasn't ''raking in the money''. Eventually his son moved back to the US and married a girl from Kazakstan or some shit. He just kept talking and talking and I was thinking "something needs to shut this guy up or I am going to fucking kill myself." Then, there was a car accident outside. Needless to say, I didn't kill myself.

Late April Fools Joke On Joe

2007-04-02T03:37:00.000-06:00

First of all, I hope you all enjoyed my little April Fools post yesterday. I'm not an emo girl anymore.

Joe, my buddy over at http://1337rofl.blogspot.com was talking to me on yahoo this morning when i decided to pull a little prank on him. I wasn't technically April Fools but, whatever. Here it is for your face:

The Jesus: dude i just saw a fucking ghost
cheeriosandsuch: i'd have to wash my hair like 3 days in
cheeriosandsuch: yea
cheeriosandsuch: ....
The Jesus: yes!
The Jesus: im really scared
cheeriosandsuch: i believe you 100%
The Jesus: it was like yellingg at me
The Jesus: im not lying
The Jesus: k swear to god
cheeriosandsuch: ok well i cant say i dont believe you yet i cant say i do believe you
The Jesus: well believe it
cheeriosandsuch: ok
cheeriosandsuch: but no ok
cheeriosandsuch: ?
The Jesus: it sreally freeziing cold not
The Jesus: /now
cheeriosandsuch: hmmmm
cheeriosandsuch: ..
The Jesus: oh shit
cheeriosandsuch: what?
The Jesus: a window just broke down stairs
cheeriosandsuch: uhhhh.....
The Jesus: omfg
The Jesus: im calling 911
cheeriosandsuch: its not april fools anymore
cheeriosandsuch: ok
cheeriosandsuch: do it
cheeriosandsuch: thats scary
The Jesus: my dogs are barking
cheeriosandsuch: uhhh
The Jesus: djkzfg
The Jesus: adfhd afh
The Jesus: dfadfah
cheeriosandsuch: call 911
The Jesus: fh help
The Jesus: adgsa
The Jesus: g
The Jesus: fd
The Jesus: gfda
The Jesus: g
cheeriosandsuch: you there?
cheeriosandsuch: ?????
cheeriosandsuch: ?
cheeriosandsuch: ?
cheeriosandsuch: ?
cheeriosandsuch: ?
cheeriosandsuch: ?
cheeriosandsuch: ?

Silence for a couple minutes, I’m laughing the entire time

cheeriosandsuch: i'm gonna call the police if you dont answer in 3
cheeriosandsuch: 2
The Jesus: no
cheeriosandsuch: 1
The Jesus: asdfasdf
The Jesus: sdaf
The Jesus: sa jkjkljkjkjk
cheeriosandsuch: ook
The Jesus: LOL
The Jesus: you fell for it!!!!
cheeriosandsuch: dude you scared me
The Jesus: OMFG
The Jesus: im laughing so hard rightnow
cheeriosandsuch: dude not cool
The Jesus: yes
cheeriosandsuch: so did any of what you just said really happen
The Jesus: no
The Jesus: just the me laughing part
cheeriosandsuch: fuck
The Jesus: c'mon
cheeriosandsuch: you really did scare me
The Jesus: im sorry, i couldn't resist
The Jesus: late april fools

I got really freaked out when he was gonna call the cops, that would've been hard to explain to the old folks. I not only scared Joe here, but myself. In fact, it's 3:44 AM right now because I'm still scared to go to bed. April Fool's!!!!

so today was dumb.............................................

2007-04-01T03:20:00.000-06:00

so like i woke up this morning right and my cat was like right on my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i could see his little ashole right there and i was like get off of me jeffery!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

oh yeah and my mom has this new boyfriend named geoff. hes sucha jerk lol!!!!!!!!!!! hes alwasys like ok alice so i know your father is in jail and it can behard for you but im here to help and i was like shut up asshole its my life lol!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i didt really say that lol i wish i sdid tho..........................

we were at target for like 5 hours and i was like mom im tired of garden hose shiopping can you plaese buy me this panic at the disco cd and she was like no way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i called her abitch and said she never does anything for me and that geoff smells like weed all the time (he dose!!!!!!) everyone in the whole stoer was lukin at us even the mexicans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so she boght me it but she was crying all the way home and i was like shut up bitch in my head.

i called justin my boyfriend today also. im so tired of his shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lyk, this one time we were at fat city and this dum ho with no tits was all tryin' to move in on him!!!!!!!!!! after we got kicked out cuz i whopped her ass, i was all justin what the f man?!!?!?!?! he was all aw baby girl meemememememe blah ablha i wasnt even listeing. but anywayz, i talked to him today and all he ever does is read me his "rap-poetry" i know read read this justin IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i still luv you lol

anyway that's it for me today guys!!!!!! see you at school on tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont forget about my party on wensday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meme 2

2007-03-29T13:44:00.000-06:00

I just watched a bunch of shit On Demand. First I watched all the Aqua Teen hunger Force they had, and they only had dumb old ones that weren't funny. Then I watched a bunch of music videos including Mastodon and Killswitch Engage. They're pretty cool. Anyway, time for a survey I stole from Lana.

FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND
1. My ex is still: non-existant.
2. I am listening to: Jim Gaffigan on TV; he's hilarious
3. I love: Jim Gaffigan
4. My best friends: live far away.
5. I don't understand: why my sister is such a retard when she hangs out with her friends.
6. I lost respect for: humanity. (See previous post)
7. I last ate: Honey Bunches of Oats, they have dumb commercials.
8. The meaning of my MySpace name is: Crimson King is a Stephen King villian, and the 2000 is there because regular CrimsonKing was taken.
9. Love is: overused.
10. Somewhere: a bike is being stolen.
11. I will always: live. It's true!
12. Love seems to be: used a lot in this survey.
13. I never ever want to lose: at MarioKart.
14. My mobile phone is: called a cell phone, actually.
15. When I woke up this morning: I was like "DAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNNN"
16. I get annoyed with: every little thing.
17. Parties: should have more DragonForce.
18. My pets: are cute.
19. Today: I get the house to myself when my sister leaves.
20. I wish: I had six arms.
21. I really want: a video iPod.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY!!!
1. Is your hair wet? Yes
2. Ever lied? I just lied in the previous question.
3. Ever stuck gum under a desk? Boy, these questions really dig deep.
4. Ever kicked someone? Yeah.
5. Ever tripped on your own feet? Probably.

TODAY:
1. Have you ever cursed? I try to curse at least 50 times a day. Ass shit fuck.
2. Have you yelled at someone? No, I just kind of yelled some stuff.
3. Have you gotten mad at someone? I got mad at the snow gods because it fucking snowed again.

RANDOM
1. Is there someone on your mind right now? No.
2. Do you have any siblings? Yes.
3. Do you want children? I don't know. Sure.
4. Do you smile often? Not really.
5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!!!
6. Do you like your handwriting? It's shitty, but I like it.
7. Are you a friendly person? Yeah UNLESS YOU CROSS ME!!!
8. Whose bed did you sleep on last night? Gwen Stefani's. Yeah that's right.
9. What size ring do you wear? The One True Size.
10. What are you wearing? South Park sleep pants and my "For Every Animal You Don't Eat I'm Going to Eat Three Shirt".
11. What were you doing at 7PM yesterday? Probably watching America's Next Top Model. Yes, I watch that show.
12. Is Tom on your MySpace list? Hells no.
13. Look to your right. I refuse.

ANSWER ALL OF THEM TRUTHFULLY
Last beverage: Milk
Last call to you: Dad.
Last instant message to you: Angie, like two months ago.
Last CD played: Giant Robot- Buckethead
Last bubble bath: 3rd grade.
Last time you cried: Probably when my grandpa died a couple months ago.

HAVE YOU EVER...
dated someone twice? Fuck, I've never dated someone once.
Been cheated on. Yes. Wait, did you say cheated or skeeted?
Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed someone. BUT I HAVE BEEN KISSED BY SOMEONE I'M NOT A TOTAL LOSER!!!!
Lost someone special: Yes.
Been depressed? Not for longer than a day.
Been drunk and threw up? *Sigh* no.

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU?
Cried a lot? No.
Fallen out of love? Yes.
Laughed hard until you cried? No.
Met someone who changed your life? What? No!
Found out who your friends were? What is this, the Real World? NO!! I know who my friends are!
Is there somthing you want to tell someone? Yes.

FAVEZ
Band- Either DragonForce or Cake, I can't pick one.
Movie- Clerks
TV- Simpsons
Hero- Bob Dylan
Food- cheeseburgers
website- Wikipedia
video game- Guitar Hero

Feel free to use this if you want to. BTW, I added the last part. I know, I'm so creative.

I'm Never Holding the Door For Anyone Again

2007-03-28T23:05:00.000-06:00

Mood- Tired (too bad tired isn't a mood)
Song- Gemini by Brian Kahanek

People suck. Today I walked into a restaurant and saw a family consisting of an old lady, a little kid, and a mom carrying a baby all trying to leave. Being the gentleman I am, I held the door open for them. For a pretty long time also. I'd say there was a good 40 seconds between the time I opened the door and when they started leaving. Now get this: as they walked past me, not only did none of them make eye contact, THEY DIDN'T EVEN SAY THANK YOU. Seriously now, people. She didn't even say "thanks". Even a grumble or some kind of hand gesture would have sufficed. I would even been less mad one of them had put their hand out to hold the damn door for themselves. But no. As you can imagine I was pretty pissed. When they left I said (quite loudly) "You're welcome, bitch." She heard me.

But I started to think: why do I even hold the door open for people? To be nice? For someone to say thank you? Now that I think of it, no strangers have ever held the door open for me. My friends and parents have, but that doesn't count. On the other hand, I pretty much always hold the door open for people, if I see someone. I don't know if I should anymore. Besides, it's not fucking 1900 anymore, if people can get entire movies off of the internet, lazy assholes can open their own fucking doors.

One Year Blog-versary

2007-03-18T14:58:00.000-06:00

One year ago today, I was soooo bored and sooooo tired of my crappy freewebs site that I decided to start a blog. And here is the untold story of that blog.

It all started on a a Friday. I think. I was on the bus and a girl was talking about sex so loudly and so blatently I just had to tell someone. I told a couple of my friends, but it wasn't enough. This story was so juicy more people had to know. I went to google and typed in "start your own blog". Blogger was the first thing that came up. I pressed the blog creating button. then I had to name it. I started to panic. I looked around and saw a movie my mom had rented from blockbuster: The Amityville Horror. I was like "hells yee-ah" and began typing my first post.

Since that fateful Saturday, The Amityville Blog has covered many topics. Whether it was ranting, defacing Wikipedia, playing video games, or more ranting, I'm sure I did it with some sort of talent. Anyways, here's to another year of bitching and good friends.

*Cheers*

It Needs To Be Spring Break

2007-03-16T16:07:00.000-06:00

I am pretty much burned out on life right now. I hardly ever post on my blog, I'm half assing everything at school, I'm always tired, and I'm not even playing Guitar Hero that much anymore. CSAP has sucked the life out of me and all this homework is chipping away at my soul. That was deep. It's not really chipping away at my soul, but you know what I mean. Anyway, spring break is really late this year, it's the week after next. I need a damn break already.

Also, there was a drunk driving accident by my school and a girl died. Thankfully, I didn't know anyone in the crash, but I feel awful for the family of the girl. As for the girl who was driving drunk, she is going to be in jail for a long, long time. The long arm of the law doesn't fuck around when it comes to drunk driving. It is a bad thing to do, it happens a lot, and she probably deserves whatever she gets.

The Return of Limewire

2007-03-13T17:31:00.000-06:00

So, a while ago my sister deleted Limewire because she thought it was bad and ruining our computer. As you can believe, I was devastated. Limewire was basically my life. I got about 75% of my music that way. I was Limewire-less for about 6 months. Then my dad got our computer fixed, and our internet is working perfectly. By the way, it nothing to do with Limewire. It turns out the guy who installed our internet in the first place installed it wrong. Anyway, I secretley re-downloaded Limewire today with our new, shiny, lightning-speed internetz. Here is some of the shit I have already downloaded:

Don't Fear the Reaper- Blue Oyster Cult. MORE COWBELL!!

Jordan- Buckethead. Buckethead is ballin' shit on guitar. This song is on guitar hero and when I first heard it I was all "I must have this."

Frankenstein- Edgar Winter Group. Da na na na na na na naaaaaaaa!! Da na na na na.

White Willow- Elvenking. Elvenking is a folk-metal band. That's right. Folk. Metal.

Take Me Out- Franz Ferdinand. Mee mee nee nee nee nee neeeeee! (repeat until awesome)

Less Talk More Rokk- Freezepop. Another song from guitar hero. Awesome.

Soy Bomb- Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives. Wow. It took me so long to type that, I forgot what I was going to say.

Carry Me Home- The Living End. Another Guitar Hero song by and australian punkabilly band. Maybe Elvenking and The Living End shouyld jam together. It would be like, punk/folk/metal/rockabilly/awesome.

Gosh and Golly It's Hot

2007-03-12T17:03:00.000-06:00

Mood: Pissed
Song: Last in Line- Dio

Holy Hitler in a Haystack was it fucking hot today. Today it was about 70 degrees. WTF. I'm pretty sure that, like, 10 days ago I was treading through the snow bitching and moaning about the cold and now I'm sweating through the heat bitching about that. You just can't please me, Mother Nature. What was that, bitch? *backhands Mother Nature* That'll teach you to drastically change the temperature within a short period of time, ho. And now I'm looking at the forecast, and check this shit out:

Great. Just great. Oh, if anyone cares I'm planning on going to my first DragonForce concert on the 31st. Definitley look for a big fat post about that.

Sunday, Boring Sunday

2007-03-11T19:59:00.000-06:00

Saw Wild Hogs today. It was OK. It was one of those bumbling doofus comedies. It mostly appealed to my dad and his friends, who I saw it with. I laughed pretty hard at it sometimes, but I don't really recommend it. Then again, I just saw 300 the other day so pretty much every movie I see for the rest of my life will be measured by that.

Then we went to California Pizza Kitchen and I saw this girl I had a huge crush on in middle school. I wanted to say something, but I was too afraid she wouldn't recognize me. So I decided to pull the old "go to the bathroom and pretend to see her for the first time on the way back" trick but she was gone by then. Damn.

Now I'm watching the new Fox show The Winner. Shittastic. Don't waste your time.

More CSAPs on Tuesday. This time it's the Reading and Writing part, which is usually the one I do the best on. Then the CSAPS can kiss my hairy white ass because I'm done with them FOREVER. Anyone ever see The Sandlot? FOREV-ER! FOR EV ER! FOR. EV. ER.

WTF CSAP, OMG 300

2007-03-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

We were all taking those CSAP things all over the place last week. The first ones were the science test. They were so damn easy. I finished like 9 hours early so I sat there and read like 1/3 of the book I brought. One of questions was pretty blog-worthy though:

A pencil is laying, unmoving on a desk.

How would you increase the potential energy of the pencil

A) Push the pencil
B) Burn the pencil
C) fgsha;ghjak;

I don't even remember the other stupid answers, but one of them was BURN THE PENCIL. I has sort of become my motto, the phrase I've set my life by. It's pretty much an answer for anyone. Sir can you help me, my son has a broken face? BURN THE PENCIL. Sir, you can't park there. BURN THE PENCIL. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. BURN THE PENCIL. Stop staring at my breasts. BURN THE PENCIL. Pretty much.

Then me and a bunch of people went to go see the movie 300. I can't really think of an appropriate word to describe it, or at least one that is a real word, so I think I'll say this one :fuckingmetalawesome. Yes. That seems about right. I mean, this movie seriously had everything I've ever wanted. Fighting, sex, blood, mutants, Greece, lesbians, mutant lesbians, big hue mutants, Persians falling off cliffs, boobies, stabbing, kings, queens, nipples, sweat, and lesbians. We all sat in the front row of the whole theater. I can honestly say it was the best movie going experience of my life. Yes, even Better than Snakes on a Plane. Yes, I am answering questions no one asked. There was about 5 moments in the movie when I couldn't think of anyting else to do except say "METAL." One thing was where this guy had about 20 arrows in him and was still fighting off a bunch of guys. Another part was when a dude got his head cut off. Did I mention lesbians? Well the lesbians weren't in short supply in 300. Actually, they were. The lesbian part was about 4 seconds long. But I am NOT complaining. There was also all sorts of sex. Slow sex, fast sex, buttsex, and even rape. So pretty much, if want a movie with fighting, sex, and fighting in it, see 300.

Still Hate the Bus

2007-03-05T16:19:00.000-07:00

I rode the bus yesterday and I saw the smelliest grossest bum ever. He waddled on the bus and sat right in front of me. Of course. His hair was all scraggly and he wreaked of BO, onions, and sweat. When he sat in front of me, I literally had to stop from gagging. He also had some disgusting mole or scab or something on his face that was all scabby and crusty and I couldn't stop looking at it. And to top it all off, his ears were all waxy and his old grey hair was all matted in the gallons of ear wax that was pouring out of his ears. I'll give you a second to think that over. Done? Good. When I got off the bus I literally had the dry heaves for about 5 minutes. I think I was just one mole away from barfing my brains out. I guess I could have just got up and moved, but I didn't want to be rude.

Anyway, the Colorado State Assesment Program, or CSAP, begins this week. The CSAPs are big huge tests that everyone worries and cries about but really aren't all that bad. It's pretty much a bunch of bullshit. I can't believe I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm still taking the saame damn state assesment program I took in 3rd grade. Luckily 10th grade is the last year we take them, but I'm really not off the hook yet because I still get to "look forward" to the ACTs and the SATs. Oh joy. More pointless tests to see if I'm good enough. Every year, I say to my self "OK, CSAPs are coming soon. Dude, you should totally just bullshit through everything. No one will know. You don't even get a grade for this shit." Last year, I completley bullshitted this whole story problem on the Math section. It was something about how much it would cost to paint this pizza place. This specific story problem was, like, four pages long and I just wrote that pizza is bad for you and that they should tear it down and build a gym. Or something like that.

10 True Facts About DragonForce

2007-02-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

Some of you may be wondering why I haven't posted in a long time. The reason is I've been doing research on the coolest band ever, DragonForce
. The following are 10 100% true facts about the metal-est musical group evah.

10. One time aliens landed on Earth, but they landed on in a DragonForce concert. They left because they realized that earth was too awesome for them.

9. This kid was walking down the street one time listening to his iPod. Then this thug gangster came up and said "Hey kid I'm gonna kill you unless you're listeing to the coolest thing ever." The kid was listening to DragonForce. He is still alive today.

8. In Arkansas, it is illegal to not like to DragonForce.

7. Herman Li, the guitarist from DragonForce, was taught how to play guitar by Chuck Norris, Gandalf, Jimi Hendrix, and Sonic the Hedgehog, all at the same time.

6. If an emo kid listens to DragonForce it will implode, leaving a pile of PSPs behind. Try it sometime, it's really awesome.

5. The winner of every Grammy is actually DragonForce, the ones they say on TV are actually just the second place winners.

4. Jesus Christ originally tried out to be the drummer fro DragonForce, but he wasn't good enough.

3. One time, at a party, every member of DragonForce played as loud as they could for 5 seconds. there were no survivors.

2. They once tried to make a DragonForce TV show, but when they tried to watch it after they filmed it, all that came up on screen was blurs.

1. A man in Yemen once tried to contest DragonForce's place as the greatest band ever. No one has ever seen him or his family since.

Praise the Sun!!

2007-02-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

So here in Colorado, there has been snow on the ground continuously since December. Until now, that is!! The sun has melted almost all of it and the temperature has been in the 50s and 60s since. I have almost forgotten what the ground looks like. The only downside is that there literally rivers of melted snowater. Is snowater a word? If it isn't I am now copyrighting it.

My uncle called out of nowhere last night. My is uncle is a race car driver. I know, it's awesome. He drag races at Bandimere Speedway all the time, for those of you in Colorado. Anyway, he must have known I'm turning 16 soon because he said he could hook me up with a Honda on account of he also works at a Honda Dealership. I think. I haven't talked to him in a long time, but he knows a lot about Hondas, and he's always fixing them. But at least I don't have to drive the god-awful Plymouth minivan my dad has been 'saving' for me.

While I'm trying to hit all the bases here, how about Anna Nicole Smith dieing? Hmmmm....I don't really know what to think about this. I used to watch her on TV all the time and think to myself, "Holy crap, she is a train wreck." So I'm not very surprised. Ahem. Yes.

I've been trying to finish The Stand now for almost a year, off-and-on. I'm about 3/5 of the way done with it. Stephen King once said something like "If you don't have the time to read, you do't have the time to write." Dang, that is true. Look at my post count for Feburary. 2. I need to read more Stephen King.

Here is the rest of the random songs, but I'm too daumb, lazy, and dumblazy to write about them:
6. All I Really Want To Do- Bob Dylan
7.Jump in the Line- Harry Belafonte
8. Damn it Feels Good To Be a Gangster- Geto Boys
9. Tetris (Techno Version)- Happy Hardcore
10. Somewhere Far Beyond- Blind Guardian

10 Random Songs: Part One

2007-02-02T18:16:00.000-07:00

I just downloaded the They Might Be Giants podcast. It's pretty cool. They play all sorts of weird random things from TMBG. They basically rock. Now for the random songs.

1. Can't Get My Head Around You- The Offspring
This is the highest played song on my iPod. But that's only because I let my friend Jon borrow it and he got the play count up to 214. It's a good song. Sometimes I forget how much I like The Offspring. They played them on the radio all the time when I was in Elementary school. And for a good reason.

2. Ridin' Spinnaz- Three 6 Mafia
Yes, I am white. Yes, this song is about spinner rims. Yes, spinners haven't been cool since 2005. I only have this song because they use it on YTMND all the time. I'll never get tired of "I'm ridin' spinnaz, I'm ridin' spinnaz, they don't stop."

3. I Could Have Been a Dreamer- Dio
This song is 4:44 long. AWESOME. Anyway, Dio is the coolest lead singer in metal, and he always sings about awesome shit like wolves and warriors and blood. Metal.

4. I Should Be Allowed to Think- They Might Be Giants
From the album John Henry, which everyone on the Homestar Runner Wiki Forums thinks is their best album, and also which I disagree with. Anyway, I think this song is about a little kid who is tired of everyone telling him what to do. Great lyrics: "I saw the worst bands of my generation applied by magic marker to dry wall".

5. Sally Gal- Bob Dylan
I don't think there's been a 10 random songs yet where a Dylan song doesn't come up. This is one of my favorite Dylan songs ever, it's my 6th higest played Dylan song (out of 70). There's an obscure fact for 'ya. This song is mostly a jaunty little guitar/harmonica medley, with some whimsical lyrics about rambling and travelin' on. Classic Bob.

Well, I suddenly have to go. The other five will be comin' atcha some other time. Until then, "Stop all the downloadin".

Funniest Thing Ever

2007-01-31T16:10:00.000-07:00

Today I laughed harder than I ever have in my life.

We were all eating lunch and our friend Trevor got this little bucket from somewhere and poured all the gross sludge everywhere outside. Ha ha, everyone laughs. Then he sets it down. We all said "Somebody kick the bucket!!" I was going to do, but Ryan beat me to it. He punted it quite hard. Then, as if on cue, somebody comes around the corner on a snow plow and the bucket hit it right on the side. Ensue hysterical laughter. Everyone was on the ground howling. then reality came back a couple seconds later, and some people left. Me and a couple others stayed. I couldn't leave because I was laughing so hard. A security guard came over, and asked what happened. Jared piped up and said "some kid" did it. He was take to the office to review a survellience tape of the "incedent". Jared later said it was very hard not to laugh while watching that.

Ryan was eventually caught and got in a little trouble. But it was all worth it to be able to laugh that hard.

Also, for the past week these girls have come out of the Starbucks by my house and called me Micheal. Every time I get off the bus, they run out and say "Micheal!! Hi!!! Hey Micheal!!" By the way, my name is not Micheal. I'm really confused. I can't tell if they're flirting with me of ridiculing me. Pssssh. Women.

Special 100th Post

2007-01-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

I guess this isn't a special post, since all I'm going to really do is bitch about the bus more. But if you really want a celebration, go back and read all my posts. That'll be fun.

So, I thought of the perfect thing to say to my asshole bus driver who keeps getting off to go to 7-11. Enjoy:

"Hello. I just want to let you know something, pal. It's pretty obvious you're life is miserable, since you're, you know, a bus driver and you look like you haven't slept in weeks, and you smell like cheap, expired, mexican food. And now you've decided to stop even putting effort in your dead-end job by stopping and gourging yourself on bad coffee. Here's what I'm trying to say, asshole: Just becuase you've given up on making something of yourself, doesn't mean I have. I'm nearly late to school every day because of your lazy ass, and I won't have it anymore. Just sit in your chair, drive, and leave the the coffee for the people who haven't given up on themselves."

Now, as much as I would love to say this, there is a small problem; it's quite simple: I don't have the balls. If anyone would like to try it, be my guest. Any lawsuits aren't my fault.

I Hate The Bus

2007-01-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know, I have to ride the bus to school every morning. The real bus. The one with the drunks and the pee smell. And it sucks.

For instance- for the past three days my jack ass bus driver has stopped the bus, left it and walked into 7-11 and bought a cup of coffee. Seriously. This asshole just thinks he can waltz around and buy fucking coffee whenever he wants. I called the bus company and complained and he still did it the next day, which was today. What an asshole. Every day I have about 5 minutes to spare when I get to school and I almost late. Should I be angry about this or am I being stupid?

Anyway, the good news is I'll be having my first article printed in the school newspaper whenever it comes out. That'll be cool. I've been drawing comics for them unofficially for a while, but now I'm actually in the class so I decided to do some work, son. More good news: I'm awesome at Guitar Hero now.

Like Having a Box of Shit in Your House? Get a Cat!!

2007-01-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

So after doing nothing during winter break but waking up at 1:00 PM, playing Guitar Hero II or Wii Sports all day and then staying up and watching TV until 3:oo AM, I decided I owed it to myself to spend a day outside. It started when my friend Phil called me and asked me to have lunch with him at McDonalds. I brought my little McDonald's gift card but there wasn't enough money on it, but the lady let me get a Big Mac anyway. Score.

Then we went to Belmar, the outside mall. A couple more people joined us, Jon and Aaron. We went to Dick's and Jon broke something so we all ran out like little kids. I know, we're real rebels. We schlepped around for a little bit more, and ended up sledding into snowmounds. I taped some of it on my camera phone, which may show up on YouTube. Anyway, the whole reason I'm writing this is because I found a little kitty. I was just wallking and I felt something hit my foot, and it was a little cat. I picked him up and pettted him (you would have done the same thing, it was the cutest thing ever!!) while my friends kept on sledding. I noticed that when I walked in front of this one house he was nice and friendly and when I picked him up he kept going back to that same house. I was going to take him with me, but I would have felt guilty because he probably lived there. Plus my parents may not have been completley in love with a new little thing that gets hair everywhere and shits in a box.

Also, school starts tomorrow. Boooo.

Christmas in January

2007-01-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

For Christmas I got about $100 worth of Best Buy gift certificates, so I went there and spent all of it. Here's what I got:

The Legend of Cash Vol II- Johnny Cash
Career spanning compilation of Johnny Cash. It's good, but a I already have a couple of the songs. But if you like Johnny Cash, I recocmend it.

Valley of the Damned- DragonForce
Two words= fucking awesome. I thought you could only get this album on the internet on account of DragonForce being based in Britain, so when I saw this I gobbled it up. METAL!!!

The Very Beast of Dio- Dio
More metal. I got this mostly because Dio songs are hard to find on Limewire. Why? Because more Celine Dione comes up than Dio. And I don't want that shit.

Women and Children First- Van Halen
I like Van Halen. I got this album because it was the only one Best Buy had that I was sure had David Lee Roth on it and not Sammy Hagar. I prefer Roth. The band ain't called Van Hagar, as my study hall teacher once said.

Wolfmother- Wolfmother
The debut album of Wolfmother. It's very fun to say Wolfmother. This is one of the few new bands out there who don't totally suck unicorn balls. *cough fall out boy cough coughpanic at the discocough* Another OK new band is Avenged Sevenfold. They're not as good as Wolfmother though. Wolfmother.

I got 2 other CDs that I haven't listened to yet= Bob Dylan Live 1964 and The Best of Megadeth. I can't wait to hear those.

I've saved the best for last. Drumroll please...

I got a Wii.

Please hold your exitement. I played Wii Sports for like two hours straight and got a 200 on Wii Bowling. Pics later.

10 Random Songs '07

2007-01-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

Once again: shuffle songs, I talk about the first 10.

1. P.O.D.- Tenacious D
This is the title song from the Tenacious D movie that I didn't see. Most of the people I know think their new album was crappy, bu tI liked it. And I like this song.

2. Maggie's Farm- Rage Against the Machine
Maggie's Farm is one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs, so when I read on Wikipedia that RATM remade it, the first thing I did was go to Limewire and download it. I just got it like four days ago. It's great. I never would have thought Rage would be an appropriate band to redo a Dylan song, but boy was I wrong.

3. Buy Me a Condo- "Weird" Al Yankovic
Yes, I am a huge dork. Yes, I have over 60 Weird Al songs on my iPod. Don't judge me. I love this song. It's about a guy from Jamaica who moves to the US and tries to make a life for himself.

4. The Picard Song- DarkMateria
Oh geez, my dork is showing. This song is a bunch of quotes from Captain Picard from Star Trek. The chourus is him saying "Captain Jean Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise" over and over. It's fun.

5. Marching off to War- Motorhead
Finally, some metal. I knew it was here somewhere. I got this song when I downloaded a bunch of Motorhead off Limewire one time. I've only listened to it twice. But at least it's metal.

6. Beyond the Horizon- Bob Dylan
From his new album, Modern Times. All the songs from that album are really long but fun to listen to. They're all realxing and remind me of sitting on some porch of an old in house in the country. I should listen to this album more...

7. Thunder on the Mountain- Bob Dylan
Wow, two songs from the same album in a row. That's pretty unlikley. Well...I'm not really sure what this song is about on account of I've listened to it only 3 times since last fall. Ahem. Yes.

8. Through the Fire and the Flames
This song if awesome. DragonForce is awesome. Metal is awesome. The first thing I did on New Year's Day is crank this song and play Super Smash Bros. Melee. It was bad ASS.

9. I My Life- The Beatles
For some reason, this song strikes me as the perfect montage song of two lovers. Or the perfect wedding song. I'll probably use it at my wedding unless my wife is a psycho and chooses all the songs. Hopefully I won't marry a psycho.

10. That Boy Could Dance- "Weird" Al Yankovic
Song about a total loser who could dance better than everyone. When I was a kid, I imagined preforming this song in front of my whole elementary school. That never really worked out.

2007 Resolutions

2007-01-01T21:23:00.001-07:00

1. Learn to fly. No, not a jet or a plane. I mean sprout wings, and fly. I've been practicing for a while, mostly by running around the local Wal-Mart with my arms out and going "Whooosh! Veeeeooo, wee-oh-wee-oh, shoooooooommmmm!!" It's a work in progress.

2. Meet Beck. 'Nuff said.

3. Get 5 stars on every song on Medium in Guitar Hero II. This is probably the only realistic goal on this thing, along with flying.Also, I'll probably acheive this 'goal' tommorow.

4. Punch Hugh Grant in the face. If you've read this blog a while, you may be aware that I'm not Hugh's biggest fan. I didn't like him before he was caught with that prostitute if you're wondering. I don't know what it is exactly about him, but whether it's his annoying hair, his large horse mouth, or his painful, stammering way of talking, it doesn't matter. I just hate him.

5. Legally change my name to Jack. Coolest. Name. Ever.

6. Survive a disease that kills 99% of the world's population and fight evil with band of misfits. I'm currently reading The Stand, so that may explain this wish. I mean resolution.

2006 Review Clip Show

2006-12-31T13:14:00.000-07:00

Now that 2006 is almost over, it seems like every asshole with a blog is doing some sort of reveiw of the past year. Well...I guess I will now too. Except it's a Special Clip Show of The Amityville Blog 2006 Blowout Spectacular Extravaganza!!!!!11!!11!1oneone!!1one

Who could forget my groundbreaking First Post? And I think everyone remembers my archnemisis Tasha . Arrgg, that bitch....anyway back to reviewing. Everyone's hearts were surley warmed when we were introduced to all my crushes . And then there was my glorious First Job. Of course, no review is complete without the epic 50th post. Everyone who's anyone remembers all the hooplah revolving around Snakes on a Plane . Then there was my hero like quest to see Bob Dylan in concert, which failed. And then everything changed when I posted perhaps my funniest post ever . And then my changed forver when the Wii came out.

Well, it's hard to believe ther's only 10 hours hours left in the year, but at least we can all remember the good times we all had here at The Amityville Blog. Looking foward to all the better times we'll have in 2007!!

Best Movie EVER!!!

2006-12-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

I just returned from seeing Night at the Museum. It was OK. But that's not the point of the story I'm trying to tell. While I was waiting in line I saw perhaps the greatest movie poster of all time:

At first I was kind like, "Oh a hot chick with a gun for a leg. That's cool." But the possibilities began to sink in. I mean, not only can she walk, but she can shoot stuff also! Then I was like: "Wait, what the hell is this movie about? Zombies? Snakes?Boobies?" I thought for about 4 seconds when I answered myself: "WHO FUCKING CARES?!?!?" As far as I'm concerned, a movie with a gun-for-leg-babe could be about gay dinosaurs making gay sex all over each other as long as it still had said gun-for-leg-babe. Should you see this movie, you ask? Ask yourself this first: Do you want to be a part of movie history? You better say yes.

If you can't sense the sarcasm here, then just kill yourself now

The Blizzard Ruins Christmas

2006-12-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

Not really. But it is reason I haven't updated in almost a month.

For those of you who don't know, Denver (and most of Colorado) was recently raped by a blizzard that shit out 3 feet of snow everywhere closing the airport and making it impossible for me to leave my house and pick up my computer that was being fixed. So that is why there have been no updates for a while.

First of all, we were having finals right before the storm. I have Geometry 1st period, my hardest class. I was sitting in my desk, relaxing, taking my final. I wasn't really paying any attention to anything, and then it happened. I farted. Pretty loud. I pretended like nothing happened. A couple of people turned around and looked up and down, trying to detect the culprit. I tried to look suspicious too, even giving them confused looks as if to say "That was funny, but I don't know who it was". After the test, the kid next to me said "Did you hear that kid fart?!" I put on my best surprised face and told him "No". No one suspected a thing. And the Oscar goes to...

Anyway, the storm cancelled our second finals day so we'll have to take them after winter break. Which means now I'll be thinking about them the whole time. Merry Christmas!

Nerds!!

2006-12-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the lack of updates, finals are coming up and the teachers are just dumping truckloads of work on us.

I went to this chicken wing joint last night. This certain place has trivia that you can play on the TVs set up around the bar. Every time I go there, I get one and kick ass on trivia. Not this night. Right behind us was a bunch of (grown, adult) nerds getting all the answers right. One of the questions was something like "What is the name of a cell part that transports food and fights bacteria?" or something like that. The head nerd was like "Vector!" before the answers even came up. Who the fuck knows that?! Clues are displayed on the screen if you're an Average Joe like me and you don't know what a fucking vector is, and they are always "cute". One of the clues for the vector question was "It's a vector, victor". Immediately the nerds BURST into laughter. And I don't mean a couple chuckles, they were laughing so hard they were literally crying. I think they may have been drunk, but I'm not sure because they got every damn question right.

The New Jake

2006-11-30T17:52:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't heard already (and if you live in Colorado and you haven't heard this, you must be deaf or blind) The Denver Broncos (my team) is putting Jake Plummer on second string and bringing out Jake Cutler this Sunday. My opinion? Thank God. Plummer has this thing that they call in football called "not throwing the ball" and "getting tackled after backing up and losing yardage". He also does a thing I like to call "throwing it to no one/the opposing team", or "fucking everything up" for short. He also looks like an asshole:

I mean look at him. I mean really look and tell me you don't see a dumb, pothead, smug, trashy, asshole looking back at you. To be fair, Jake has changed his look since that picture:

Still an asshole if you ask me. He may not have the backwoods-Uncle Dad 'stache anymore but if you look deep into his eyes, you can see that he knows he's a failure.

Jake Cutler on the other hand:

That is a man's man right there. He looks like one of those scruffy little guys that is just waiting to show everyone how bad ass he is. Could he be the next Elway? I don't care. As long as he's not Jake Plummer.

Mystery Text Message

2006-11-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

At exactly 10:59 last night I received a text message. Here it is, word for word:

"Im sorry tucker i
really am like i love
u as my friend but
nothin more i love
jonny still like that
was 2 years"

I immediately thought "Uh oh. It seems as though an English professor at Yale has accidentally contacted me with an important message for Tucker." I told her she had the wrong number to which she replied:

"Omg im sorry lol"

I can only hope Tucker got that message in time.

Fuck The Whole World

2006-11-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

OK, that title may sound pretty emo but that's how we felt on Wednesday.

It all started out innocent enough. Me and four friends were just going to see the Tenacious D movie. I got there after the tickets were purchased. We bought food and all that and walked up to the ticket ripper. I was first in line. Then this happened: My ticket was ripped, he told me which theater to go to, I started walking then he said "Can I see some ID?" Nice timing, asshole. I said "No, you can't see any ID." And we had to leave. AAARRRGGHH! We realized later that his supervisor was standing behind him and he didn't see him right away. I bet somebody got a raise that day.

So, we got these nifty little Readmission tickets that were good for any theater. We went across the street to the other theater. All the movies there were shitty or starting too late, so we decided to go bowling. Sounds fun and easy, right?

No. It turned out to be "League Night" at the bowling alley which means there were a bunch of fat, sweaty dipshits who started their own league and rented out the whole bowling alley with all their fat, sweaty dipshit friends. It seemed like we couldn't catch a break.

After that we all just went to my friend Garreth's house and played Marvel Alliance on his XBox. That turned out to be a pretty sweet game, but it wasn't good enough to erase that shitty day. At least I had a fun Thanksgiving. But I swear to God, if anyone asks me if I saw Tenacious D, I'll punch them in the neck.

I Have Seen The Wii...And it is Good

2006-11-21T20:23:00.000-07:00

First of all, let's talk about the new layout. The old one was, well, old and I'm beta now so I wanted a little change up. Now for the good stuff.

There it is. In all it's glory. It's the newest system from Nintendo and I've wanted it ever since it was announced. And on Monday, I got to play it for the very first time at my friend Ben's house.

Needless to say, it was fucking awesome.

The first thing we played was Wii Sports, which came with Ben's Wii when he got it. It has tennis, boxing, bowling, baseball, and golf. We only played bowling, baseball and golf. If you don't know about the Wii, the game is actually controlled by moving the controller. For example: while bowling on the Wii, you actually must swing your arm like you're really bowling. That was all fun. But the real fun was when we played with guns.

The other game we played was called Red Steel. We got to use guns. The gun was aimed by moving around the controller, of course. My favorite is the shotgun. Or, as I like to call it, the BOOMSTICK! Pretty much any game with a boomstick (or a boomstick-like gun) I do good at. Red Steel is no exception. I basically rocked some serious faces off once I found the boomstick. At one point, I walked towards a door and was about to open it when an enemy walked in and started saying something in Japanese. But it was too late because before he could say Godzilla, I had already blown his ass away with the trusy ol' boomstick.

So I pretty much want a Wii. If anyone reading this was planning on buying me something, maybe this post will give you some ideas. *COUGHCOUGHwiiCOUGHITTYCOUGHCOUGHERSON*

Video Games the Way I Remember Them

2006-11-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

The PS3 came out recently. I saw a video on TV of a huge riot of a bunch of guys waiting for the PS3. That definitly didn't happen when the Super Nintendo came out. And so, becuase I'm bored, sick, and feeling nostalgic I'll be going over some video game systems.

Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)

The only game I have for this is the original Mario Bros. game. One of the best games ever. I don't really play this system a whole lot.

Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES)

In my opinion, this is the best gaming system ever. Period. When I was little, this thing was my life. I ate, dreamed, and breathed Super Mario World. Looking back I was awful at that game and probably never got past 25 levels, but it was a great game. Then there was Mario Kart. That's a great game. Then of course there's Mario Paint, which is so innovative I don't think anyone's done something like it before. I used to spend hours making little cartoons about guys falling and violently splattering. It also has the best sports game ever in my opinion: NBA Live '96. Dang, I should hook up my SNES and play that again...

Nintendo 64

Best controller ever. Microsoft can eat my ass because they're controllers are dumb. If you ask me, Nintendo is the best company as far as controller design is concerned. I didn't have very many games for this system. All my friends had more games thean me, so I was usually at their house. The best game for this system (and one of the best games of all time) was Mario Kart 64. That game is STILL good. You can keep your Halo 2 and your World of Warcraft, I would rather play Mario Kart 64 over both of those. And who could forget the first game I ever beat: Pokemon Snap. You basically just took pictures of Pokemon. It was an easy game, but it was fun.

Gamecube

Poor Gamecube. It never gets the respect it deserves. There is a Gamecube in my room and I play it more than my Ps2 (which we'll get to later). Best game: Super Smash Bros. Melee. That game is, quite simply, FUCKING AWESOME. In fact, it's the reason I bought a Gamecube in the first place. When I first got it I must've played that game all day. It was my life for the whole summer. And then my sister erased all my data recently, and I had to do it all over again. It was a challenge. Another fave of mine is Animal Crossing. I play that game all the time. It's a fun little game where you play a little guy in a town. You can fish and cut down trees and hit people with bug nets. It's endless fun. Other games I like for this system: Resident Evil 4 (fucking awesome zombie game) F-Zero GX (future racing game) and this Sonic the Hedghog collection I have. Viva la Gamecube.

Playstation

Boy, what a great system. I got it for Christmas the year after it came out. It was the center of my life for a long time. It caused the Super Nintendo to be moved to the basement. It had lots of good games. Like Spyro the dragon, which was the second game I ever beat. I also had this Asteroids remake for it. I played that for a long time. Ah. The Playstation also has the coolest startup music ever.

Playstation 2

I was in fourth grade when this baby came out. My friend Nick's brother was one of the first people to get one. When he turned it on for the first time I about shit my pants. It was completly amazing. At least, it was then. Good games for it include Tekken 4. Pretty good fighting game. I'm always the scantily clad girl when I play because she's the best character. Oh yeah and she's scantily clad. I'm also a big fan of the Ratchet and Clank series. I have all 4 of the games, and I've beat them all. That's a really fun series.

XBox

Some good games for the XBox include: Halo, Halo, Halo, Halo, Halo, Halo, Halo, oh yeah and Halo. If you can't tell I'm not really a big fan of the XBox. All my experiences with the XBox comes from playing it at other people's houses.

That's pretty much it. You may notice I didn't talk about anything from Sega, any handhelds, or the new systems. I don't really know why. Why don't just go and cry about it.

10 Random Songs: Special Home Game Edition Answers

2006-11-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

Let's do this

Song 1: We know where we're going/ We know where we're from/ We're livin' by the lord/ We'll go into our fathers hands

Exodus- Bob Marley

Song 2: When I die and they lay me to rest/ gonna go to the place that's the best/When they lay me down to die/ Goin' up to the spirit in the sky

Spirit in the Sky- Norman Greenbaum identified by Jill (didn't get the artist though)

Song 3: A long, long time ago/ I can still remember how that music used to make me smile/ And I knew if I had my chance/ That I could make those people dance

American Pie- Don McLean Song idenitified by Angie, artist by Jill

Song 4: Every time I plant a seed/ He say kill it before they grow

I Shot the Sherrif- Bob Marley

Song 5: She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back/She can take the dark out of the nighttime and paint the daytime black

She Belongs to Me- Bob Dylan

Song 6: Like fragments of a broken mind/ I spooner(not sure about that...) by my own desire/ This search is now a waste of time

Long Way Home- The Offspring

Song 7: Does she walk? Does she talk? Does she come complete?/ My homeroom homeroom angel has pulled me from my seat/ She was pure like snowflakes, no one could ever stain/ The memory of my angel has never caused me pain/ Years go by I'm looking through a girly magazine/ And there's my homeroom angel on the pages in between!

Centerfold- J. Geils Band identified by Jill

Song 8: Straight ahead/ One direction/ Not left, not right/ Just more and more

Straight Ahead- Tube & Berger

Song 9: I got 20 inch spinners on my drop/ Nothin' but white and yellow rocks in my watch/ I'm doin' 150 so I'm watching for the cops/ Since I'm in a Lambroghini I ain't go' stop

Ridin' Spinners- Three 6 Mafia

Song 10: I like to play the drums/ I think I'm getting good, but I can handle critisizm/ I show you what I know and you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums/ I'll leave the front unlocked, cause I can't hear the doorbell

Doctor Worm- They Might Be Giants

Well that was fun. Next time I'll choose songs that I think you would know instead of just doing random ones. Until next time.

10 Random Songs: Special Home Game Edition

2006-11-13T18:01:00.000-07:00

Today on 10 Random songs we'll be doing things a little diffrently. Instead of just telling you the name of the song, I'll say some lyrics from it, and you have to guess them! This is a lot like what Natalie does on I Have nothing to Say, but whatever. It's the most fun you can have with a computer screen! Well, maybe not...

Song 1: We know where we're going/ We know where we're from/ We're livin' by the lord/ We'll go into our fathers hands

Song 2: When I die and they lay me to rest/ gonna go to the place that's the best/
When they lay me down to die/ Goin' up to the spirit in the sky (This one's easy!!!)

Song 3: A long, long time ago/ I can still remember how that music used to make me smile/ And I knew if I had my chance/ That I could make those people dance

Song 4: Every time I plant a seed/ He say kill it before they grow

Song 5: She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back/She can take the dark out of the nighttime and paint the daytime black

Song 6: Like fragments of a broken mind/ I spooner(not sure about that...) by my own desire/ This search is now a waste of time

Song 7: Does she walk? Does she talk? Does she come complete?/ My homeroom homeroom angel has pulled me from my seat/ She was pure like snowflakes, no one could ever stain/ The memory of my angel has never caused me pain/ Years go by I'm looking through a girly magazine/ And there's my homeroom angel on the pages in between! (I kinda went overboard on this one)

Song 8: Straight ahead/ One direction/ Not left, not right/ Just more and more (Nobody's going to get this one...heh heh heh...)

Song 9: I got 20 inch spinners on my drop/ Nothin' but white and yellow rocks in my watch/ I'm doin' 150 so I'm watching for the cops/ Since I'm in a Lambroghini I ain't go' stop

Song 10: I like to play the drums/ I think I'm getting good, but I can handle critisizm/ I show you what I know and you can tell me if you think I'm getting better on the drums/ I'll leave the front unlocked, cause I can't hear the doorbell

OK, good luck guessing those. I be back with the answers tommorow.

Why I'm Weird

2006-11-04T17:18:00.000-07:00

Looks like I got tagged. What does that mean? I don't know. But since I can't really think of WHY I'm weird I think I'll just show an EXAMPLE of how I'm weird.

Chuck Norris Went Down to Georgia

sung to the tune of The Devil Went Down to Georgia

Chuck Norris went down to Georgia, he was looking for an ass to kick

he wanted to feel his booted heel in some dumb kid's face

when he came across a young man wailing on a guitar and shreddin' it hot

when Chuck Norris jumped on a kid's sandcastle and said "boy, lemme tell you what

I guess you are a dumbass, 'cause I'm a guitar player too

and unless you're a wuss then I guess I'll make a bet with you

now you play an OK guitar boy, but give The Norris his due

I bet a guitar of gold to get your soul 'cause I know I'm better than you."

The boy said "My name's Timmy, and even though I'll win

I take your wager, you dumb old hater cause I'm the best there's ever been."

Timmy, you wail on the guitar and play that fucker good

cause if Chuck Norris wanted to snap your neck, then he probably could

Keep on playing one hot lick after hot lick

And just look out for that roundhouse kick!!

Chuck Norris pulled out his guitar and said "Let's do this shit"

And fire sprayed from his nostrils as he smartly chose his pick

and he brought his mighty hand down it made an awesome hiss

and a band of playmate bunnies joined in and it sounded something like this:

[awesome guitar solo]

When Chuck Norris finished Timmy said "Holy Fucking Shit!

That was pretty awesome, but I'll show you how to do it!''

Fire on the mountain, run boys run

Chuck's in the house of the rising sun

Chuck Norris rocks your fucking face off

[gay guitar solo]

Chuck Norris looked to the sky cause he knew that he had won

and Timmy started crying cause he wasn't having fun

Chuck said: "Timmy just back the hell up if you ever wanna challenge me

I done told you once you little asshole, I'm a motherfucking P.I.M.P"

Fire on the mountain, run boys tun

Chuck's in the of the rising sun

Chuck Norris rocks you fucking face off

That's pretty much it for today. I just wrote that in, like, 10 minutes so it's probably not that good. Next time: Ten Random Songs. Maybe.

Earn a Trillion $$$

2006-10-24T15:44:00.000-06:00

A couple days ago, I found this little post card that caught my attention. I don't pick up every piece of trash that crosses my path, but this one said something about a trillion dollars. You would have picked it up if you saw it. And now, I will share with you what it says, all typos included, word-for-word:

Could you use a total LIFE CHANGE???

Get paid earned TRILLION $$$
bonuses in a industry

Learn a system where they pay you to be a customer
No sponsoring requirements to EARN BONUSES

*picture of a beach and two stacks of $100 bills*

Finally a company that pay's what a person thinks there worth.
Earn a little, earn a lot, but your going to earn somthing with us!!
*phone number*

Here what will change your life in a positve way.
Everyone is jumping on board so don't delay check us out everyday.

Brand New to the World
Referal marketing: Let the company that know's how to pay it's customers
for generations to come go work for you!

*end*
I swear that's what is written. Somebody already filled out the back and was about to send it, but I guess they changed "there" mind. I'm debating whether or not I should call them to tell them that they're stupid. Or "somthing" like that.

Niggardly

2006-10-23T19:06:00.000-06:00

No, I'm not racist. That is a real word. It's even on Wikipedia. I was flipping through the ol' thesaurus for a word, and it was one of those words on the top of the page. I was like "Whoa!! What the hell?!" Everyone crowded around me because they thought I found a dirty word. It's not really a dirty word, but I mean....come on. I don't I'll ever use this word in real life, because I don't want to "start anything".

The other thing that happened was a guy on the bus today had a HANDLE BAR MUSTACHE. Yes, for real. He had it all combed in to a little twirl and everything. His goatee was also combed to a point. Strangley, he was not wearing a red pin-striped shirt, he was not riding an old timey bicycle, and he never once said "Wot wot?" or "Eh, old chap?". In fact, he was wearing a Korn T-Shirt and he never talked to me. If you don't know what a handlebar moustache is, it's one of these:

Big Fat Movie Post 3

2006-10-22T13:46:00.000-06:00

Saw III
I liked the other two Saw movies, this one looks pretty scary. But I'm starting to think they're just doing these movies for money. I know, I must be a detective or something.

The Santa Claus 3
I don't really care about this movie. I liked the first one, and I only saw the second one because my dad took me and my sister which will probably happen to me again.

Borat
This movie looks HILARIOUS!! Me and my friends can't stop quoting this movie. I want to see it so bad. I love how it made the Kazakstan president mad, even though it is making fun of America.

Flushed Away
Dumb. Moving on.

Stranger Than Fiction
This is the one where Will Ferrel's life is being narrated. Looks pretty interesting. I was sort of dissapointed with Talladega Nights, so maybe this will make me a Ferrel fan again.

So basically, movies suck right now. This wasn't a very fat movie post either, sorry about that.

I Love the 00's: 2002

2006-10-21T11:54:00.000-06:00

The last time I did this was in August, so if you don't remember it, now's your chance to see it.

2002
Remember when:

Bush choked a pretzel?
K Mart filed bankruptcy?
Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes died in a car accident?
The Homeland Security Dept. was formed?
The Mars sattelite?
The Elizibeth Smart fiasco?
Switzerland joined the UN?
The Iraq War started?
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City?

In Film:
Spider-Man
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Minority Report
Chicago
The Hours
About a Boy (I like that movie, but everyone says it sucks...)

In TV:
The Osbournes
American Idol
The George Lopez Show

Top Five!!!

2006-10-20T16:25:00.000-06:00

And now it's time for CrimsonKing's Top 5. Today is the day I am going to randomly name my Top 5 whatevers.

Top 5 Movies
1. Clerks
2. Fight Club
3. Anchorman
4. The Matrix
5. Kill Bill

Top 5 TV Shows
1. The Simpsons
2. Mystery Science Theater
3. Whose Line is it Anyway?
4. The Soup
5.Best Week Ever!

Top 5 Musical Artists/Song
1. Bob Dylan- Like a Rolling Stone
2. They Might Be Giants- Doctor Worm
3. Beck- Jack-Ass
4. DragonForce- Cry For Eternity
5. Weird Al Yankovic- Amish Paradise

Top 5 Foods
1. Buffalo Wings
2. Cheeseburgers
3.Cheese Pizza
4. Nachos
5. Steak
(God, I'm unhealthy)

Top 5 Books
1. Transall Saga
2. It
3. Catcher in the Rye
4. Pet Sematary
5. Everything's Eventual

Top 5 Websites
1. Blogger
2. YTMND
3. Albino Black Sheep
4. Wikipedia
5. Something Awful

Top 5 Favorite People
1. Bob Dylan
2. Andy Kaufman
3. Whoever created Tetris
4. Micheal Ian Black (guy on I Love the 7/8/90s)
5. Matt Groening

My Grandpa Died

2006-10-19T19:26:00.000-06:00

He died this morning. My dad told me over the phone after school. My dad left for Buffalo, NY a couple days ago. I've been taking care of the house by myself since Tuesday. My sister if not doing ANYTHING and is leaving her god damn messes everywhere. My dad is not coming back until Sunday. Needless to say, I am incredibly stressed out. Thank God tommorow is Friday. The only good news is that I got a bunch of job applications. I want a job so I can save up to buy the Nintendo Wii one of these days.

Jesus Freaks

2006-10-18T14:44:00.000-06:00

Today on the bus some lady got on who kept looking around at everyone. Eventually, she asked this woman if she would care to talk about Jesus. She said "Not today. Thanks." Then when she got off she told the bus driver randomly "Jesus died for your sins and he loves you." and the bus driver was all "OK. Thanks." God, how I wish she would have talked to me. I came up with some responses I would have given her had she told me Jesus died for my sins:

"Sure he did."

"Prove it."

"Yeah, but you can't always trust the bible."

"Jesus? Jesus who?"

"I've already heard this joke, lady."

*in a gay guy voice* "He thure did, and boy did he look FAAAAAAABUOLITHHH!!"

"HAIL SATAN!!!"

"So?"

"I know you are but what am I?"

"May Zeus be with you."

Meme

2006-10-16T17:51:00.000-06:00

I downloaded the Chariots of Fire theme song, turned it up full blast and ran around my house. *ashamed face*. I also got a new haircut and this kid in my Biology class said I look like Eric Foreman from that 70s show and everyone said "oh yeah, he kinda does!!". Dammit. That's not the first time I've been compared to that guy. Looks and personality. If you have never been to compared to a fictional character from a cancelled television show, it's not the best feeling in the world.

Anyway, on to the meme. A meme is a thing that goes around the internet. Think Numa Numa or the Star Wars Kid. Except this kind of meme is a quiz that I got from Natalie over at I Have Nothing to Say. Here we's go.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
That's pretty easy. Osama bin Laden. It would be pretty mean to blow him up and not tell the CIA, because they would keep on looking for him. So I'd tell them. But I guess they would still have to find his blown up body...and people blow up in the Middle East every day, so that would be dumb. I'll just go with Ashley Tisdale. I fucking hate her.

2.You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
That's also pretty easy. I'd have to go with Evanescensesesesecese or however you spell that. I heard on the radio one time that the girl in that band is a super diva-btich. Plus, I still haven't forgiven her for wearing fucking toilet paper to the grammys for her Artist of the Year "performance".

3.Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Fucking Hugh Grant. That guy is such an ass. He always plays a "bumbling sweet Brit" when in real life he cheats on his gorgeous wife and fucks around with whores named "Divine Brown". I hate him. I bet after I punched him he'd say something like "Oh, terribly sorry. Are, are you trying to tell me something? Because that was quite rude, actually." Then I'd punch him again.

4.What is your favorite cheese?
Cheetos. CrimsonKing, that's not real cheese. IT SAYS SO ON THE BAG!!SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

5.You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
I'd make one with YOUR MOM. Just kidding. I guess I'd put pork and swiss cheese inside and sprinkle garlic on top, then roast it. BAM!! That's kind of simple, but I guess I don't really like complicated sandwitches that much.

6.You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Well the first person that came to my mind was Pamela Anderson, but that is such a cliche answer. Then I changed it to Carmen Electra because she is a little bit classier than Pam. But that is still pretty cliche. So I'll just throw you off track and say Shirley Temple. She's still alive, right? Good.

7.You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Oh Jesus, how many times are you going to do this? Britney Spears? No she's an idiot. Jessica Simpson? Also an idiot. Gwen Stefani? She's good. I'm going to go with Gwen for the block.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
I wouldn't call boinking Shirley Temple an excellent day, but whatever. As for the $100, I'd get some video games. Boring, answer I know. What can I say.

9.You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
I'd go to London to punch Hugh Grant in the face again. If he wasn't there, I guess I could enjoy the breathtaking scenery and unique culture or some boring shit like that.

10.Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
I'm going to sulk because they don't accept American money in London. But when I got home I'd buy more video games.

11.An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?
Hmm. An angel offering beer to a minor. Real swell. Maybe it could settle for giving me a lifetime supply of Mountain Dew.

12.Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
Rufus? Whatever. I'd go to The Jesus Days to see if he was really really real.

13.You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
No emos. In fact, I would name the country Crimsonville: Emo Free since '06.

14.You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
Oh, I know! How about a show about what it's like to be behind the scenes at a Late Night Sketch Comedy Show?! It would have and obscenley large ensemble cast and boring plots!! Oh wait...

15.What is your favorite curse word?
Mongolian-cluster-fuck.

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything; they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
First I would probably scream for five minutes straight. Then after I realized they were not doing anything I would calm down and beat them up.

17.Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?
I want to say my iPod but that's stupid. So I'll say something that'll make all the girls go awwwwwwwwwwww: a picture of me, my mom, and my dad before they divorced that's sitting on my dresser.

18.The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Punch Hugh Grant in the face again while having sex with Gwen Stefani. Again.

19.You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
The power to be invisible. Easy.

20.You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
See question 18.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Sleeping with Shirley Temple.

22.You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?
Iraq!! Just kidding. I'd have to go with the UK. Just cause it's so "bitching".

23.This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
The Hooters on Wadsworth. Since it's the only one I can go in, they'll know my name and stuff. It'll be cool.

24.Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out...I can FLOAT!"?
Probably my friend Phil's house. Mostly because it's like 20 feet from my house and I could use the floating practice.

25.The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
I'm gonna go with Phil Hartman. He was awesome. I would have also liked to meet him. I'm guessing he'd be pretty thankful for bringing him back from the dead, so that's a possibility.

26.The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is still a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My grandma. I didn't get to know her all that well, so I'd like to do that.

27.What's your theme song?
Like a Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan. HIT IT!!!

LIMEWIRE!!!

2006-10-14T20:15:00.000-06:00

Oh. My. God. Limewire is this (free!!) music sharing program, and my new best friend. It is the greatest thing I think I've ever downloaded in my life. I have so many songs in my iTunes now...I can't even sit still. Here's just a sample of the songs I've gottten since I got it:

My United States of Whatever- Liam Lynch
This song is great. This guy just says stuff and then says "WHATEVEAH!!" Sample: "So I was throwing dice in the alley and officer Leroy comes up and says 'hey I thought I told you' and I was like 'WHATEVEAH!!''' *guitar solo*

Bananaphone- Raffi
This is a song about a bannana...that is also a phone. I know, it's really out there.

Afternoon Delight- Starland Vocal Band
This is quite simply the greatest composition by mankind. If you disagree, I will fight you.

The Price is Right Theme Song
Enough said.

White & Nerdy- Weird Al Yankovic
A parody of "ridin dirty' by Chamilionare. It's from Al's new album. Lyrics are along the lines of "The only question I've ever found hard is do I like Kirk or do I like Picard." and "I edit Wikipedia " As for me, I actually like Picard more and I do edit Wikipedia sometimes. *ashamed face*.

Butterfly- DDR
Some crazy Japanese techno shit. It's HOT.

And that's not even one-third of the songs I have so far. I highly reccomend getting it if you like music and if you have a computer. And I have NO idea how you're reading this if you don't have a computer. So there.

The Broncos, Fire, and Lesbians

2006-10-11T14:30:00.000-06:00

On Monday I went to the Broncos-Ravens game with my friend Nick. It was the first game I've been to since they remade the Stadium. It used to be Mile High Stadium, now it's Invesco Field at Mile High. It was GREAT. It was rainy and cold, and it was awesome. The drunk guy next to me was standing up the whole time, and he was cussing out Jake Plumber the quarterback. He obviously knew EVERYTHING about the guy because he kept saying stuff like (when people are drunk I type in alternating caps, just so ya know) "YoU onLy gOt 500 YaRdS iN collEgE, yoU DUmb CocSucKer! C'mOn PLummbER, you idioT. dOn't FuCk up ThIS plAY!!!" But when he didn't fuck up the play, he was the biggest Plummer fan in the stadium: "YeaH!! Go BrOnCos!! WhhOOooOOooO!!" Plus, they won. It was great.

Now on to fire. In Biology, we had a sub AND we were doing a lab which meant we could just fuck around the whole time. And there was fire. We had to burn a marshmellow and a nut to see how much calories were in them or some shit. We were basically just seeing how big of a fire we could make. A lot of soot was created in this process. We dared Arnold to eat a marshmellow we wiped in soot for a dollar and he had it in his mouth for about a second and almost bafred. Then Sankuk (he's aisan lol) did it. He had it in his mouth for about 3 minutes. He didn't swallow it because it was so bad tasting, and when class was over he spit it out under a table in the hall. I hope doesn't get coal poisoning. It would be worth the dollar though.

I've saved the best for last. Lesbians. Today was "Coming Out" day at school. That pretty much means if you were gay, today is the day you should tell everyone. In Journalism, some girl was talking. I wasn't even listening to her but then I just heard her say "You know, 'cause I'm bi and all." I took a double take. If I knew some girl was bi in my class, I never would have guessed her. She's UGLY!!! And she's really stupid too. And fat. Sorry if that's mean (just a little) but it's the truth.

My Dumb Weekend

2006-10-08T16:46:00.000-06:00

This weekend was actally not that dumb. I went to Target and got 2 CDs, which I will now talk about. The first one is DragonForce's new CD, Inhuman Rampage. If you don't know who DragonForce is then that sucks for you, because they're awesome. They have a page on Wikipedia, so go there if you want more. They're always singing about epic battles and eternal fire and the evil one and shit like that. It's awesome. It's good music to listen to while playing video games. And, if you can find a more awesome album cover than this, then be my guest:

That's not actually the album I got, but I sure wish it was. I mean look at that. Some hot warrior queen in an ice fortress with two valient steeds. That's hot.

The other album I got is Beck's new album, The Information. I didn't even know he had a new album. It was just sort of there, and I actually thought it was some other Beck because I hadn't heard of it. But it's definitly the Beck I thought. Plus it comes with a bunch of awesome stickers. Yay.

Ten Random Songs Voulme 2: Now That's What I Call Random

2006-10-03T18:06:00.000-06:00

Once again, I shuffle the songs on my iPod and talk about the first 10 that come up. No matter how embarrassing they are.

Nugget- Cake
This song is sort of weird. There's a lot of nonsense ("sharpening knives to chicken mcnuggets). Plus they say "fuck" a lot. It's in the chourus. It's stupid because it's bleeped out and he says it a lot. They should've just called this song "fuck".

Stuck Inside of Moblie With the Memphis Blues Again- Bob Dylan
I like this song. I think it's about the guy that's from Memphis and he gets stuck in Moblie and it's really weird and he doesn't like it. I remember listening to it on the radio when I was little without knowing it was Bob Dylan.

Neocon- The Offspring
This song has a very loud drum in it. It supposed to sound like an army marching, I think. I guessing this because the chourus is "We will never lose to you". But he never says neocon in the whole song. I hate it when they never say the title of the song in the song.

I'm The One- Van Halen
VAN HALEN IS AWESOME. Probably my favorite 80's band. They actually began in 1979, but...um...shut up. I think this song is about...Oh wait who cares? The guitar wailing is enough for me, I don't need a meaning.

Any Colour You Like- Pink Floyd
Fully instrumental song, no lyics. I don't really like listening to Pink Floyd songs by themselves anyway. I think you only get the full Dark Side of the Moon experience if you listen to the whole album. But that's just me.

Long Way Home- The Offspring
Short song with a fast tempo. Pretty sure it's about a guy leaving everything behind and starting a new life. I tried that once. It doesn't work. (Joke ha ha)

(Ghost) Riders in the Sky- Johnny Cash
This is a great song. It tells an epic story, it's kinda scary, it sounds eeire, it's short, and it's easy to remember. Love it.

Royale With Cheese- Pulp Fiction
This is basically just dialouge from Pulp Fiction. It Samuel Jackson and John Travolta talking about weed and cheeseburgers. What's not to love?

Spy- They Might Be Giants
This is what my mom would call "cute". It's about a spy who loves a girl who's not a spy and they have a FORBIDDEN LOVE!!! It's great. Then there's this part where the music..like...fights. No, I'm not high, the guitar and the trumpets go back and forth and it sounds like they're fighting.

Man of Constant Sorrow- Bob Dylan
This is one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs. I kind of identify because the guy in the song is from Colorado and...well that's the only thing I identify with. But I kind of imagine this song being about my cool alter ego who is some kinda crazy traveling hobo who is very wise and all. Love, love, love, love this song.

Only Seven Posts Last Month? Sorry...

2006-10-01T19:57:00.000-06:00

Geez, I was slackin' last month wasn't I? Sorry about that...time to be regular again.

Well you may not know this about me, but I have a Nintendo DS. Yeah, I don't care what you think it's awesome. Anyways, the DS has this online capability. And there's this website that can tell you places you can go to get online free, and it turns out that this McDonald's in walking distance from my house is one of these places. So I went down there with my Tetris DS and totally kicked some japenese kids' ASSES. It was awesome. After that, I went back to my house to get MarioKart, which if you can believe it I am better at than I am at Tetris, and kicked more ass. I realized I had been at McDonald's for about 2 hours without buying anything, so I got a small coke. It was only a dollar. Then I was there for three hours. The people who worked there kept looking at me weird. My mom works at a restaurant, and she's always telling me about the guy who's been coming there for 20 years and getting the same thing. I slowly realized that that was the kind of vibe I was setting off. I could tell people were like "Is that kid just playing video games?" Soon I would be "that crazy guy who comes in every Sunday to play his DS and only buys things from the dollar Menu like a cheap bastard." So I left. Maybe I won't go in there as often anymore, or bring friends so I don't look like a goddamn recluse.

Go Broncos.

One Child for Jackass, Please

2006-09-23T19:57:00.000-06:00

Saw Jackass 2 today. All I can say is that it has beaten out Snakes on a Plane as the best movie of the year. I'm sorry. But it really did. I've never laughed so hard in a movie since Anchorman way back in '04. When the lights dimmed down, I was so exited I could be still. Also, the movie marks the first time I almost barfed right in the theater. Seriously. Here goes the synopsis, so spoilers and gross things are going to follow:

The opening scene is the SECOND best opening to a movie ever(The first is Jackas 1). All the cast members are running from bulls, in slowmotion, down a street that looks like any American town. Then it goes to the regular motion and, one by one the cast members are run down by a bull. Bam and Johnny go into a house, and when Bam is disposed if Johnny utters his tagline, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and welcome to Jackass!!" when he is promptly run over by a bull, through the window.

Other stunts include:

* Chris Pontius is blown out of a manhole into the streets dressed as a devil and says "Get God out of California!!"

* Johnny and Ryan Dunn ride around on olde timey bicycles, and Johnny tries to jump a snow bank and does a face plant

* Steve-O puts on an astronaughts helmet which is connected to a funnel in which Preston Lacy farts in, causing Steve-O to barf inside the helmet.

* Bam, who has a phobia of snakes, is locked in a pen with a cobra

* Everyone tries to do "the loop" with a pocket rocket motorcylce.

* Wee Man is smothered by a big fat naked woman

* A fake note is written to the "Jackass Guys" and while they are reading it, Johnny is behind the wall with a machine that punches them in the face while reading it.

* And, the scene that actually almost made me barf: Chris Pontius drinks horse semen.
Nuff said.

lol Update

2006-09-21T14:57:00.000-06:00

Wow, I haven't blogged in a long time huh? Well that's because my sister is always on, playing Sims 2. Here's a quick overview of my life:

-Sorta given up on emailing Bob Dylan. I'd rather just call the place he's playing and ask if they're totally hard asses about being 16, and my friend Ben said he would go too. It's Denver, so probably not. But if they are, then I'm totally going back to emailing Dylan.

-My ferret died. She was, like, 6 years old and that's incredibly old for a ferret. She was the best little pet I ever has though, so RIP Mary 2000-20006.

-I saw the biggest fucking mosquito I've ever seen in my life. I hit it with a book 3 TIMES and it was still sort of alive. I picked it up and put it on the table and it's body is as long as a quarter and it's legs spread wider than the quarter. Then I looked at it thorough a magnifying glass. Ew.

That's basically it. Today my pal Sonkuk came over and beat in me in almost every video game I have. I beat him in Super Smash Bros ONCE, but he was using a sucky character and I was being my best character. But he did totally own me in Mario Tennis. I suck at that game. He's asian.

Next time: I Love the 00s or Ten Random Songs or some other weird thing I make up for no reason.

Test Time

2006-09-17T14:03:00.000-06:00

Today is the day I'm going to take a bunch of internet tests. I don't know why, but I just think it's time to do that.

You Are A Fun Friend

You're the one who keeps your group laughing
And you've always got an idea for something fun to do
The party's not complete without you
And you wouldn't miss it for the world

What Kind of Friend Are You?

You Are 56% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist.
You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How Cynical Are You?

You Are 72% Gross

You're pretty dirty, and there's a good change you're living in a total dump.And your body? Not too clean either. Watch out for killer bacteria, Pig Pen!

How Gross Are You?

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Your Penis Name Is...

Free Willy

Penis Name Generator

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer
You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps
Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

You Are Coke

A true original and classic, you represent the best of everything you can offer.Just the right amount of sweet, just the right amount of energy... you're the life of the party.
Your best soda match: Mountain Dew
Stay away from:Dr Pepper

What Kind of Soda Are You?

That's enought for this edition of Test Time. I could take fun tests all day, but I'll do this again in the near future.

I Guess It's Just My Turn To Have a Crappy Time

2006-09-16T18:58:00.000-06:00

Well no luck on the Dylan quest. I was pretty bummed about that, but then I heard that Maddox was coming to my area. If you don't know who Maddox is, he is an internet personality and I link to him on the side there-->. Well, he wrote a new book and Englewood, CO is the latest stop on his book tour. Awesome, I thought. I can actualy meet Maddox this rocks, I thought. NOPE. He's coming this Sunday, which just happens to be the day both my parents are working, and the day my other friend who likes Maddox is going to the Broncos game. I can just take the bus, right? NOT SO FAST. Sunday just also happens to be the day the bus schedule is all fucked up, and since I live pretty far away from Englewood I would have to take 2 buses and a train. This fucking sucks. I don't know what I did to piss God off, but I sure am sorry now. I don't know if God reads this blog, but I'd just like to say sorry and I promise I'll be nice if you can please just stop shitting in my face (symbolicly of course).

Oh, and I saw the Illusionist. It was boring.

I Was Born in the Wrong Year

2006-09-10T16:53:00.000-06:00

As you all know, I really like Bob Dylan. My avatar is Bob Dylan, I taped the documentary about him when it was on PBS, I have a bunch of his CDs, and I am listening to him right now (Maggie's Farm if you're wondering). So as you may not know, he released his new album recently. It is called Modern Times and yes, I have it. Since he is releasing his new album I figured he would be going on tour. So I checked on bobdylan.com to look at his tour roster. And in fact, he will be coming to Denver on October 24th. I clicked on the ticket info link, and it turns out YOU HAVE TO BE 16. I am 15. Insert gun in mouth, pull trigger. If I had not been in the school library at the time, I would have literally screamed out. I'm suprised I didn't. This sucks, I was born in the wrong year.

But there is hope. I am going to try to write Bob Dylan a fan letter experssing my little dilemma I have. Who knows what will happen. I'll post what I write if I ever find an adress to write to. I don't even know if he'll be able to read it since he's on tour right now (I think).

Oh yeah, I also saw Accepted. I thought it would be stupid, but it was actually better than I thought. A lot better. Memoralbe quotes: : "Holy balls" "I hope you guys have hobo stab insurance" "Oh this place is great, now I can finally get Hepatitis" "I want to learn to blow shit up with my mind". I'd give it a B-.

When I Was a Kid We Used to Play Nutball

2006-09-07T18:24:00.000-06:00

Today at lunch I played nutball with my friend Trevor. If you don't know what nutball is, here's how it goes:
1)Two people sit across from eatchother with their legs spread open
2)A heavy object is thrown back and forth at the nuts until one gives up.
It's simple and it hurts real bad. But there's nothing like a good hit to the nuts to make you feel really manly. Oh yeah, and after school the bus was at the stop and my friends Ben and Garreth were still on the other side of the street, so they ran across the street. Some guy in a big white truck almost hit them, but they kept running. A large Mexican man leaned out the window and screamed (and I quote) "YOU'RE NOT SPOSE TO CROSS THE FUCKING STREET YOU STUPID FUKIN' BEE-CHEZ!!!!!" A grown man really said that. He sounded really pissed and his face was all red. Ben and Garreth and me laughed aaaaaaaaalllll the way home.

Today's moral is: Chill out, you stupid fukin' beesh.

So a Weird Aisan Thing Walks on to a Bus...

2006-09-06T14:56:00.000-06:00

Here is the stroy of how a weird Aisan thing walked on to my bus. I pulled the little wire to get off, but when I got up the bus driver did not open the back door. So, I had to walk aaaaalllllll the way up to the front of the bus to get off. As I got off, I nearly bumped in to this old man. At least I thought it was a man. He(?) had almost no hair or teeth, and he had a little pubescent teen beard going on. You know the kind, there are about 15 or so little whiskers poking out of the chin in random places. He was also about 70 years old, 5 feet tall, and very skinny. Oh yeah, and he was Aisan. Here is the evidence the led me to believe this man may have been a woman: her(?) lips were definitly woman's lips. Oh yeah, she was also wearing this weird blouse thing with little lillies all over the place. Plus she had sandals on. Girly sandals. Real girly. Now here is the evidence that blurred the line between man and woman: When I nearly bumped into this...person, the sound that came out left me dumbfounded. It said: "Oh yeeeeeaaaahhh, I sorry! Yeah, ha ha hahahaha!!". This voice was high, child like, eerie. I stepped off the bus, thinking in my head, "What the hell was that?!"

Ten Random Songs

2006-08-31T16:16:00.000-06:00

So there's this thing on iTunes where they have celebrities their mp3 player and write about the first ten songs that come up. I'm no celberity, since I don't have my own wikipedia page, but I'm still going to do it because it sounded fun.

1. Dr. Dre feat. Cosby
Cosby impressions from the Simpsons and Family Guy set to Dr Dre music. Not much to it. Very funny. The link goes to the song, so listen to it, it's great.

2. Istanbul (Not Constantinople)- They Might Be Giants
A weird song about Istanbul not being called Constantinople. It's a catchy little song, that has a weird little feel to it. A short song to, I love short songs

3. Sissyneck- Beck
From Beck's Odelay album. I don't really listen to this song all that much.But when I do listen to it, it reminds me off a poor southern guy in a small town who likes his life even though he's poor. This song has a good little beat to it.

4. She'll Come Back To Me- Cake
I don't even like this song, why is it even on my iPod. It's a boring song about a guy who got dumped but still thinks she'll come back.

5. Meet James Ensor- They Might Be Giants
A song about a belgian painter named James Ensor. He is kind of a loser who lived with his mother and had no firends. "The world has forgotten, the world has moved on..." Fun little song, just like all TMBG's song. It came on when I started writing this, and it is all already over.

6. I Want You- Bob Dylan
A love song by Bob Dylan. Like most of Dylan's songs, I sort of have trouble understanding it. But I think it is about a guy who doesn't really want a girlfriend but he found a girl that his family isn't crazy about but he loves her anyway. Shrug. That's what I think, at least. Pretty short for a Bob Dylan song, though.

7. Lonesome Town- Ricky Nelson
From the Pulp Fiction album. Very quiet and sad song about a place where lonesome people go. Errily dreamlike. Ricky Nelson is the original emo. : (

8. Right Now- Van Halen
The only reason I have this song is beauase of the cool beginning. It is so cool. PIANO SOLO!! When Sammy starts singing I change it, because the reast of the song is boring.

9. Subliminal- They Might Be Giants
This song is weird. It's about this guy who keeps seeing subliminal stuff. There is a cool harmonica/organ thing. The end is cool, it fades out going "Stare into the subliminal, for as long as you can, stare into the subliminal for as long as you can..." then it goes backwards for like 10 seconds.

10. Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon- Urge Overkill
Nice little song from the Pulp Fiction album. I think it's about an older guy dating a young girl and her family doesn't like it, which is kind of creepy. But, Urge Overkill is one of the coolest name ever.

Well that was fun. Let's do that again sometime.

Upcoming Cult Films

2006-08-28T19:21:00.000-06:00

With the success(?) of Snakes on a Plane, a new question arises: What should I waste my money on next? Well your pal CrimsonKing is here with all the answers you need.

Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny imdb
Tenacious D consists of Jack Black and the other fat guy. They have released ONE album in 2001, and has become popular with stoners and college kidz. What better reasons do you need to make a movie? I'll probably see it, because I love Jack Black and Tenacious D (I've got the album). But I'm not a stoner or in college. Hm.

The Simpsons Movie imdb
The longest running animated series ever (or something like that) is FINALLY going to get it's very own movie. It has often been a joke among Simpsons enthusiasts (who call themselves Simpthusiasts) that there was going to be a movie, but it is no longer a joke. The trailer was shown on TV (as well as some in theaters) on April 2nd 2006. I was watching it, and when it was over I realized it was not coming out until JULY 27TH 200-FRIGGIN'-7. Oh well. Time to go buy a tent so I can camp out in front of the theater. Simpsons Forever.

Jackass: Number Two imdb
The first Jackass movie, in my opinion, had the greatest beginning for a movie of all time. No question. Fuck the Godfather and Gone With the Wind. When I was 11, everyone I knew was being a "Jackass", and we got pretty banged up doing it. Nothing else captures the essence of hanging out with you buddies and screwing around better that Jackass. I can not WAIT for this movie to come out, I loved the show and the first movie, and I'm sure the second one will make me want to go outside and jump over shit all over again. God Bless Jackass.

Dream Manipulation

2006-08-26T21:55:00.000-06:00

If you have never tried to manipulate you dreams , you are missing out. What I mean by dream manipulation, is when you think about soumething before you go to sleep so you will dream about it. For example, I was listening to Bob Dylan last night and I fell asleep. I then dreamed about a robot who wanted to visit the last human (Bob Dylan, of course) to learn their ways. But the cool thing was, the songs worked thri way in to my dream. Example, when Maggie's farm played, I was on a farm(I, meaning the robot)It was kind of like the upcoming Bob Dylan musical. Anyways, it was GREAT. I'll do it again sometime, but I can't think of anything to dream about so if anyone has a good idea leave a comment. Leave a comment even if you don't have an idea, because I love comments.

I Love The 00's: 2001

2006-08-23T16:49:00.000-06:00

Time for 2001. I've added a new feature called What I was doing. Not really much of a feature though.

Remember...

...when Dale Earndheart died?
...when Douglas Adam died?
...the September 11th attacks? (lots of death this year...)
...the anthrax scare? (I was scared)
...the creation of the Homeland Security Dept.?
...the release of the iPod?
...the release of the Xbox that was released along with:
Halo?
...the release of Gamecube that was released along with:
Super Smash Bros Melee? (love that game)
Super Monkey Ball?(not so much)
Animal Crossing? (currently playing that)
...the release of the Game Boy Advance that was released along with: (good year for video games)
Super Mario Advance?
Iridion 3D?
...Fear Factor?

Sports:

AVALANCHE WIN THE STANLEY CUP!!!!(That was cool because I live in Colorado.)

Movies:

Lord of the Rings : The Fellowship of the Ring (lots of "the"s)
Monsters Inc.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Shrek
Planet of the Apes
A Beautiful Mind

Music:

"Bootylicious''- Destiny's Child
Best record (according to the Grammys): Beautiful Day-U2
"The Real Slim Shady"- Eminem

What I was doing:

I was in 5th grade, and I took sex ed (giggle)
I got in my first fight (I won)
I got a PS2

School

2006-08-22T16:55:00.000-06:00

Today was my first day of school. I think this is going to be a good year. I don't know why, I just sort of got a good vibe from everyone. Plus it was very fufilling to see the the freshman run around like lab mice. *annoying voice*"Oooo I don't know where to go! This soda machine ate my money! Bleh bleh bleh! Bleeeehehhh!!!" Just kidding. But I really did see a freshman get mad at a soda machine. Hee hee.

On to the classes. First is geometry. Same teacher I had last year for algebra, he nice and the class was pretty easy. But both my parents failed geometry (my mom twice) so we'll just, uh, see if that sort of thing runs in the family.

Then it was time for biology. Mr. Dewey is a new teacher from Boulder. He smiled the whole time he talked (which was the whole time). I think he was stoned or something, which makes sense because Boulder is a stoner college hippie town. I don't have anything against him or Boulder, but he was boring and I fell asleep. There, I said it.

Now it was time for a thing called "seminar" which is a program the state implemented to keep us mangy kids in line. Everyone hates it, but we should just deal with it. At least we have a small 25 minute time to fuck around. We don't really have to do anything.

Journalism. This seems fun. The teeacher is sort of like someone from Best Week Ever, and there is a girl who sits next to me named Renee in it who was nice in Science last year, having a class with her is always fun. When we were introducung ourselves I said that a common misconception about me is that I'm Jewish (people really think I'm Jewish sometimes). That got a big laugh, I think I'll like this.

Time for American History. Ms. Griffin is really awesome, and not so bad to look at either, heh heh. She is a good teacher and her assignments were all fun last year in Geography so I don't know why they would change now.

Spanish time. We never once really talked about Spanish. If some were to walk in to this class not knowing it was a spanish class, they would think it was some sort of psycology class, or some workshop for troubled kids. The teacher kept talking about goals and self advocacy and bullshit like that. DONDE ESTA EL ESPANOL, SENORITA*? I'm sure it won't be like that all year though. Better not.

English. Mrs. Boston seems nice. Plus we get to read Catcher in the Rye, which I already read and loved. A lot of my friends are in this class. When we were introducing ourselves she asked my friend Phil if he preffered Phil or Phillup and he said "I don't know". Teacher: "Well, what do your parents call you?" Then I said under my breath to Phil: "A mistake." He almost pissed himself laughing. He told her "Phil", but she will be the greatest teacher ever if she calls him "Mistake" for the rest of the year. Or some of the other things I suggested to Phil later:
Ungrateful shit
dumbass
failure
fatty
brat
loser

After english I have an off period, so I could go home if I wanted to. But today me and my friend Joe went to KFC/Taco Bell (bad combonation if you ask me). Me and Joe were wondering if some people type in different ways than with two hands or with their two index fingers. He was like: "Well if you have one had you have to type different" and I said (AS A JOKE) "No Joe, I mean real people." Then Joe said "THAT'S RACIST" At this point everyone in the whole restaurant looked at us. I wanted to say "I wasn't being racist, I just made a joke about handicapped people." but I think that may have made things worse. So we just left.

*=Where is the spanish, lady?

Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From Snakes on a Plane (Probably Spoilers)

2006-08-21T21:10:00.000-06:00

Rule 1: Stacked Luggage ALWAYS keep Snakes out
Rule 2: Snakes hate fire extingushers
Rule 3: Snakes hate fire, but not as much as fire extinguishers
Rule 4: Sacrifice the annoying little dog first, then the annoying British guy.
Rule 5: Snakes can sense two people having sex in a airplane bathroom from a mile away, so don't tamper with the smoke detector in there, unless you want to be bit on the penis/boob.
Rule 6: When in doubt, shoot stuff.

Saw it, loved it. May see it more times. Now on to real life.

I HATE MOVING!!! I had to help my mom move I freaking hate it. Still. I've moved so many times it's hardly funny. Note to people who know me in real life: I'm still going to the same school, don't worry. School is also starting tommorow, and WON'T THAT BE FUN. Oh well, more stuff to do during the day means more funny material for the blog. So bye.

I Have Failed You, Samuel

2006-08-18T23:02:00.000-06:00

I did not see Snakes on a Plane today.I don't konw if I can go on. Everyone one else in the blog universe saw it today. Joel, Leslie, Clinton from ZFS. OK, 3 people. But still. What will my children say when I tell them that their father did NOT see SOAP on opening day? The results could be devastating. Years of therapy. YEARS. I saw my sister's little play and when it was over we were mere FEET from the theater but it was "too late". "We'll go to tommorow." It won't be the same. Seeing a movie on the day it comes out is a feeling of it's own. I can only imagine all the applause, saying the lines with the actors, and other things like that the were associated with seeing it the first night it was out. Joel and Leslie know what I'm talking about. Oh well. My best chance is that this will become like Rocky Horror Picture Show and every showing will be an experience. We can only hope.

STAN. LEE. CRYING.

2006-08-17T20:28:00.000-06:00

But we'll get to that later. First let's go over my day:

I woke up at 7 to take my sister to her acting class (we had to take the BUS!! How fun!). I hate the bus. It is an endless supply of humorous material for this blog, but sometimes...damn. Like take for instance last week. I was riding the bus when a woman got on. My first thought was "wow she is short". My next thought was "nice bowl haircut, lady". But little did I know that only seconds later would I be feeling bad for thinking those things becuase at the instant she sat down near me and said(in a crazy-woman-wit-26-cats sort of way) "Yup. Nooo. No. No, no ,no. Yup" It went on like that for minutes all the while she was randomly counting to five with her hand and then approving it with a "yes" or not approving it with a "no". Boy, was that uncomfortable.

Anyway, back to this morning. I got on and dropped my sister off with no interruptions or anything funny. We arrived at nine and everything around there was closed so I was like "Screw this" and I went back home (on the bus again!!!).

The real fun started when I got home. Well, no it didn't. I went on the computer until 6:30 (with breaks, I'm that much of a loser). OK at 6:30, the fun was oficially started.

I watched the Who Wants To Be a Superhero? marathon. I've have been secretly following it, and this gave me the chance to catch up on all the "exitement" I missed. I don't know what to think of this show. Sometimes it is really great and fun to watch, and then it can also be really cheesey and the people on it can be really fake. Final verdict: I love it. But then, when they actually aired the new episode, they had a little teaser for the next new one and it featured, you guessed it, STAN LEE CRYING. I was speechless. So I screamed. Really. I screamed out in confusion and terror because I just saw one of the coolest guys ever and one of my heroes,
crying and wiping his eyes and whimpering. I almost started crying. But I didn't. Instead I ate an entire chocolate easter bunny. I'm doing OK now.

If seeing or reading about Stan Lee crying has affected you negativly, then please let me cheer you up by watching one of my YouTube videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6z89o1STuU

Everyone Will Remember Where They Were and What They Were Doing When Snakes on a Plane Came Out

2006-08-17T10:03:00.000-06:00

I will. I can already tell: I will be sitting in a nice theater with my YTMND shirt on and then I will watch Snakes on a Plane. It will be great and I will go home and eat Cheetoes until I fall asleep.

Anyway, get ready for my blog to get a lot funnier for my new clientele(?). You see, I signed up to this huge blog where yo ulink to this one guy and then he links to you. So now, there will be people reading this blog who don't know me in real life. Cool huh?

I got this kick ass new software called Audacity. It's asound program, so I can record myself and then change my pitch so I can sound like the South Park guys. I reccomend it if you have a microphone, it's fun.
http://audacity.sourceforge.net/download/windows

Here is some stuff I made:

"Demo(Fun Things You Can Do With Audacity)
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=942741967.wav

"Secret Word"
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=652296647.wav

"That Emo Song By Simple Plan A Capella"
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1054354934.wav

I Love The 00's: 2000

2006-08-13T22:18:00.000-06:00

Just thought I'd do a little thing about all the years in the 2000s. I'll eventually get around to doing 2001-06 but we'll start with 2000:

Year of the Dragon (Chinese Zodiac)
Year of the Lion (Western Zodiac)

Remember....

...when Y2K passed and nothing happened?
...when Bush "won" the election, and all the madness that ensued?
...when American Beauty won Best Picture?
...when Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire was released?
...the PS2?
...when Charles Schultz died?
...Pokemon?
...scooters?
...when DVDs came out?
...the whole Elian Gonzales fiasco?
...the Whassup commercials?

Movies:
Cast Away
Gladiator
Meet the Parents
X Men
Scary Movie

Music:
"Oops! I Did It Again" - Britney Spears
Napster get sued
Backstreet Boys
"All The Small Things"-Blink 182