I Love The Whole World

I love Mark Knopfler

I love philosphy

I love Bob Dylan

I love YTMND

I love the whole world

and all it's stupid pricks

boom de yada, boom de yada

boom de yada, boom de yada!

I love cartoon shows

I might like intercourse

I love 300

AND FUCKING DRAGONFORCE

I love the whole world

It so inspiring

Boom de yada, boom de yada

boom de yada, boom de yada!

I love 4chan

and I love "niggardly"

I love a good prank

I love to play my Wii

I love the whole world

it such a kick ass place

boom de yada, boom de yada

boom de yada, boom de yada!

ps- i love the discovery channel

Chris Martin is a Scrawny, Pretentious Prick

Did anyone else see the Chris Martin interview in Rolling Stone this week? What a bunch a bunch of pretentious bullshit that is. The front cover calls him an "anxious rock god". You've got to be kidding me with this. A ROCK GOD? Jimi Hendrix is a rock god. Rob Halford is a rock god. Fuck, Coldplay isn't even rock. It's just a bunch of mellow, feel-good faggotry. Oh yeah, the interview also calls him "The Jesus of Uncool". WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN. God, I can't believe what a bunch of fucking horse shit Rolling Stone has turned into. It used to be a cool underground hippie zine in the 60's and shit...I mean I was pretty pissed when the put Eddie Van Halen as like number 75 in their list of the greatest guitarists of all time, and now they pull this shit...I now officially hate Rolling Stone Magazine. Fuckers.

This Time It's For Real/Mark Knopfler

OK, seriously. I have this whole stupid blog and I keep leaving it for no reason. This time I'm coming back FOR GOOD and The Amityville Blog is going to be changed FOREVER. No more annoying posts about nothing,this is now going to be where I go to talk about some REAL SHIT. Bloggers are the revolutionaries of the 21st century, and I'm going to be fucking Napolean. Let's get this motherfucker started.

MARK KNOPFLER: IN CONCERT

So I saw Mark Knopfler at fucking Red Rocks last night. If you don't know who he is than FUCK YOU. And I've just gotta say, it just kicked my fucking ass. He's just really laid back. It's just so cool as a musician to see him just standing there as soloing like there's no tommorow. He doesn't have to jump around and be a maniac while he's playing like Eddie Van Halen or Herman Li. (not that I would EVER talk shit about them). I mean Sultans of Swing (personally my favorite song) was like 8 minutes. Fucking awesome. Plus I got a shirt. So that's pretty cool. There was a lot of tokin' going on too, even for Red Rocks. I'd give a 4.5 out of 5, one of the coolest concerts I've been to in a while.

Speed Racer Ha ha!!

Ha ha! My friend Trevor got me and Ben tickets to an advanced screening of Speed Racer ha ha! There was a shitload of people there ha ha! OK, that's enough of the hahas. They never even did that in the whole movie. They talked completely normal English the whole movie (except for the announcers who spoke other languages, which I found annoying). There was so much crazy CGI shit going I almost had a seizure. Everything looked totally realistic. I thought it would have been more true to the spirit of Speed Racer if everything was totally faked out. That's how I remember Speed Racer. Even when I was a young boy (lulz) I could tell this show probably had a low budget and what the people were saying wasn't matching their mouths. My fantasy Speed Racer movie would have involved a lot of driving in front of those film rolls that play totally fake backgrounds behind the driver. And lots of dramatic face close ups of every character on one screen. But it was still an intersting movie, and John Goodman was a perfect fit for the dad.


Speed Racer (2008)=
6.5/10

Some People I've Been Compared To

1. Topher Grace

This one is a little embarrasing. People are always like "hey you look like that one guy from That 70s Show". I kind of just assume it's Topher Grace, because it's certainly not Ashton Kuther.

2. Simon Astell

Actually, only one person has ever compared me to this guy, this girl Thea in my english class. I was like who the hell is that? And she told me to look it up on the internet. I did, and I turned out he's an english game show host. A gay game show host. Advice for women: don't compare your straight friends to gay guys. Trust me.

3. Harry Potter

God, this one pisses me off. Ever since I got my glasses off, this one doesn't happen anymore but when it did...I fucking hated it. It was pretty much only because I had glasses and shaggy hair and people said it in a way like I would be thrilled to compared to a fictional character. They would be like "Hey you know who you look like?" And I would think oh you sorry asshole you better not fucking say Harry Potter I swear to fucking God I'm gonna fucking- "Harry Potter! That's it! Yeah! Did you know that?" Fuck you.

4. John Krysynzski (Jim from the Office)

I like this comparision. My mom is usually the one who says this. Shouldn't have said that...anyway this one is cool becuase that guy is acutally probably a lot like me in real life. Not very good with the ladies. Ouch.

5. Holden Caulfield

Pretty much anyone who's ever read my blog compares me to this one. Now THIS is a literary character I can get used to being compared to. This guy's my fucking hero. He does whatever he wants- he smokes, drinks, orders prostitutes then ditches them, swears all the time; I fucking love Holden. I read this book by myself during CSAP in 8th grade and I was like "This is what my life should be like".

Return From Exile!

Whoa I haven't been here in along time. Again. How many times have I done this now, leaving for a while and then coming back? Oh well. Well not much has changed since last post. I'm still a sarcastic, miserable asshole.

Anyway, on to some current topics: the election. I'm in a quandary here because I've been following the election a lot lately, but it's kind of moronic since I won't even be able to vote this November. I'll be 17 and I'll have to wait a whole eight months to turn 18. Then I have to wait until 2012 to vote in that presidential election, and I'll be 21. That'll be pretty cool I suppose. I could drink AND vote. That's probably illegal. Well, if I'm not drunk it's not illegal. I'll just be a little buzzed. I'll go to the local pub, slam a few down with my future buddies and then say "Oh, sorry gents, I'm off to the polls. This is my first election, you know, I needn't be late!" (Just pretend I'm talking in a British accent). Who knows, maybe I will be British when I'm 21. What if, right out of college, I live in Britain with my British girlfriend and I acquire a British accent while living in Britain. I've said British 5 times in this paragraph.

Well, I don't like to think that far ahead. We'll just have to wait and see how drunk I am on election day 2012. I'll try to write a blog about it.

PS- My blog turned 2 years old while I was away. Hurrah.

I AM BEOWULF!!!!!!

Fuck. Yes. This is the best movie I've seen all month. It is an adaptaion of an 8th century epic Olde English poem and it kicked my ass for two and a half fucking hours. Seriously.

It starts out with this old Danish villiage celebrating something. But then it pans out and it turns out that all the merrymaking is disturbing this monster Grendel who lives in this cave. This pisses Grendel off, so he fucking barges in and starts yelling and fucking shit up. Literally. He's fucking screaming at the top of his lungs and ripping dudes in half and throwing assholes into eachother. But then the king of the villiage challenges Grendel and he backs the FUCK off. Then the scence changes to Beowulf fucking riding on this huge storm and pulling into the harbor in Denmark. Some asshole rides up on this horse and asks him what the fuck he's doing in Denmark and he's all "I'm fucking Beowulf and I've come to kill your monster because you guys are pussies and you can't kill it yourself, that's what I'm fucking doing here." So then after this guy gets rejected by a whore with huge, CGI animated tits Beowulf kicks the shit out of Grendel NAKED and rips his arm off with a damn door. Beowulf is a hero, etc. But that's not the end because Grendel's mom is fucking PISSED that someone killed her son so she fucking kills all these guys and hangs them. Beowulf is like FUCK NO so he goes to her cave with his BFF Wiglaf (or something like that). It turns out that Grendel's mom is actually Angelina Jolie who is also fucking naked all the time (i came). Anyway, Beowulf being the sly dog that he is, just fucks the shit out of AJ and doesn't kill her. Bad mistake.

Years later, Beowulf is the king of the world and he has a queen and also the fine little mistress thatbut his son (who is a shapeshifting dragon/john malkovitch lookin' bastard) comes bakc to fuck shit up one last time. At this point, I started listening to The Trooper by Iron Maiden on my iPod. It was basically the most perfect thing ever. It was, until, I started listening to Through the Fire and the Flames by DragonForce. This guy started running through actual fire and flames right when I changed it, too. Anyway, back to the story. Beowulf is fighting the dragon and shit, but the then he chains himself to it by the arm. He then locates the place on the dragon's neck where the fire is being produced. He stabs the shit out of it and tries to stab the heart as well, but his sword is too short. So then get this: HE CUTS HIS OWN FUCKING ARM OFF SO HE CAN REACH IT BETTER. His arm is inside a chain mail, so doing this just makes his reach longer. He tries to stab it's heart again, but he drops his sword so he then proceeds to grab the dragon's heart out with his bare fucking hands and rips that shit up. The dragon falls to it's death at the bottom of this giant fucking cliff with Beowulf chained to it. At this point in the movie, I was still listening to the DragonForce song, and it was perfect: "Now here we stand with the blood on our hands/We've fought so hard now can we understand?" FUCK YES. The Beowulf dies and he gets this badass funeral where he was put on this boat with all his riches and put to sea and the SET ON FIRE. Oh yeah, spoiler warning.

Now here's a quick little check list for those of you who didn't want to read all that: